Thursday, 14 July 2005

Invasion of the body switchers


I awoke today to yet another horrific scene! I looked in the mirror this morning and sometime during the night while I was hooking up with the sandman somebody switched my body with this hiddeous creation that couldn't possibly be me!

Greying hair! (well, actually a few strands of white. Strawberry blondes don't actually go grey, they jump right to white.) Wrinkles! Who put those there! What kind of terrible joke was that?Fat and cellulite. Good gracious! (That's the strongest I can say on a family website. Plus I'm not a cursing person being a Christian and all. But I want to say something more like *$%#*7! believe me!) And my memory, I have the memory of a .......what was I talking about again?

At least the perpetrator of these crimes left my fabulous breasts alone. Thank God they didn't drop anymore. I would have had to get one of the kids to help me pick them up off the floor. And what's this I hear about people complaining about their butt dropping? Mine is still in the same place. I guess I'm lucky for that. Everytime it looks like it's going to go south I just eat more and fill it out a bit more. That must keep it in place.

I believe the sick individuals who are the perpetrators of this crime are the very same ones who keep breaking in my house and stealing single socks. (see my May entry on my blog for the description of that crime.) If you have any information about either of these crimes, please forward the information to me. These individuals need to be stopped. Not only do I continue to run low on pairs of socks, but I'm starting to find perpetual aches and pains popping up. These individuals must be stopped before I actually get.....OLD!

The only thing that keeps me going with a stiff upper lip is that many of you have also been through this ahead of me. Your're already old....or at least look it. Even more so than me! (snicker)

P.S. Does anybody know who's bratty kids are living at my house? I wish you'd come and pick them up because they are driving me insane!

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