Saturday, 31 December 2005

I've heard people say that if an alien race were to look down on people and their animals, who would they think were truely in charge? The dog on the end of the leash leading the person? Or the person walking behind after him picking up his....droppings?

Well I say, how would you feel being the one on the end of the leash naked, having to defecate out in public for all to see? I'm talking about when you're sober people! Athough I've known a person or two trying to write their names in the snow with urine....both male and female....trying to impress. Why this is a talent people think they can be proud of, I'll never understand.

This leads me to tonight....New Years Eve. Enjoy your New Years Eve and remember that if you drink, don't drive or do anything else stupid because us non-drinkers will be out walking our dogs (digital camera in hand perhaps!) and tonights stupidity may be tomorrows blog entry.

Actually, never mind my advise (except the don't drink and drive.) Go out and enjoy the night in all it's splendor, but remember, a picture is worth a thousand words!

Thursday, 29 December 2005

Well folks, it's almost that time of the year when you need to pluck the kitties from the Christmas tree and put out the "temporary canine coniferous urination device." Both live and imitation. I often wonder what goes through an animals' mind when they experience their first Christmas with a family? If they are a dog they must be feeling sheer joy at the first sight of the "gift" of an indoor tree to pee on. Cats on the other hand must just think that it's about time that someone finally clued in and managed to get a proper toy for their amusement.

Our dog gets his presents put under the tree with the family's, as many other dogs do. Let me tell you, if we tried it any other way we'd have one insulted dog! The nice thing about dogs is that price and quantity doesn't seem to matter. Any old thing will do. In fact, the stinkier the better. Makes me think that maybe we should have just gotten more puppies rather than have kids.....nah, I guess not. Some day I'm hoping the kids will be able to help out with the dishes and such. Something that I've never seen my dog do in his almost 13 years.

On to the New Year!

Wednesday, 28 December 2005

I Love Americans

To all of the Canadian Politicians (Liberal Party) who keep insulting Americans on behalf of the Canadian peoples, I want to say, you are the brainless, useless, bullying pieces of doggie doo, not the Americans!


So stop speaking on my behalf. Anyone that votes for this criminal party deserves to get billions more taken from them! It's just too bad that the rest of us have to pay out of our pocket to pad theirs. Wake up people! Don't be so stupid!!

Saturday, 24 December 2005


and happy red green holiday to the politically correct
prime minister paul martin. (hope santa brings you a back bone!)

Wednesday, 21 December 2005

Preserve Reserve

I was just commenting to a friend yesterday that I just am having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year. I'm finding my regular duties are just dragging me down and I'm feeling a bit "bored" with my routine. Now before you jump on me saying I should be feeling lucky and sheer bliss at having the opportunity to be an at home mom....yes, usually I am, but as with all working people, mom's have their down weeks too! After all, you can only do housework so many different ways to try to make it more interesting!

After saying this I quickly realized the horrible mistake that had just escaped my lips! I blurted a hurried prayer out loud, "Oh please God, NO! We don't need to get sick before Christmas....forget I said that."
Because, it never fails that whenever I complain of boredom something bad happens, usually taking the form of a virus or bacterial infection for someone in the family.

No body got sick. Our fridge stopped working immediately upon my returning home. Thank God that was all .... I think.

As you can imagine, I haven't been terribly excited about the cleaning process that was definately one that needed to be done. I was however excited that since the fridge has been off for so long that all of the preserves that I have collected over the past couple of years are now "aawwww, too bad" spoiled and I have had to throw them out.

People are very generous to us and for that I am greatful (although I know I won't sound it!) but, sometimes there are preserves you like, some you can tolerate and those that you know you'll never eat once you've opened them, but don't have the heart to waste. Someone has worked hard to make that disgusting looking green stuff with black and orange dots and you'd hate to just throw it out! And I don't know what the heck a boogleberry* jelly is, but I'm sure there is someone somewhere that actually likes the stuff.

Also, because the generous person who has donated that crap often checks up on the status of your supply, you want to make sure that you always still have a little on hand to make sure they don't send you more.

You may be wondering why I just don't tell these people that we don't like the stuff? Because:

a) hurt feelings (I've tried to let people know a couple of times nicely)
b) word gets around and people stop sending the good stuff that you like!
c) I need something to complain about, right?
d) A full fridge runs more efficiently than an empty one.
e) People are very maternal/paternal about their preserves. Insult a preserve, is like insulting an offspring. It's the same thing.

f) That stuff may actually start to look appealing if there is ever a catastrophic event and we run out everything else edible.
h) There are starving children in Africa for goodness sakes, how can I waste food!

That being said, I have to say that for once, the boredom phrase worked in my favour, sort of, knock on wood, as long as somebody doesn't get sick now from eating warm cream cheese or something. My unappealing preserves are now tucked snuggly in the garbage. I won't mention the broken fridge to the donators unless they ask why there isn't any in my fridge. I'll just politely tell them what happend and say that for now, we won't be needing any more. I have extra's in my cupboard.

Anyone have any suggestions on how to get rid of those?

P.S. If you have donated a preserve and are reading this, I just want to let you know that yours was one of the good ones, not the disgusting ones. In fact I personally liked yours the best!

*name of jelly changed as to not to offend the donator. I've never heard of the kind of berry in the jelly you gave me, are you sure you didn't make that up?

Thursday, 15 December 2005

Germany or Bust

My husband just returned from a business trip to Germany. I had gone to do some work in the bedroom (actually to hide from the kids until they found me) when I sat down on the bed next to a pair of his neatly folded underwear. I looked over at the laundry basket and noticed that he had thoughtfully emptied the contents of his suitcase into it except for this sole piece of clean apparel. Underwear. My attention was drawn back to this undergarment sitting on the bed beside me. Green, relatively new....maybe a year or so old. No holes. He brought them to Germany with him.

I have never been to Germany. I've been to Toronto, Quebec City, New York City, Niagra Falls, Orlando and Ormond Beach Florida. Never Germany. I've never crossed the ocean or had the pleasure of an 8 hour flight. In fact I've only flown a couple of times. In my 40 years on this planet I, a big city girl, have only seen a small handful of places that are not actually that far away. In the one year that they have existed, my country boy husband's underwear have been to Toronto and Germany. They are world travelled undergarments. They are better travelled than me. I am jealous .... of my husbands underwear. (Let's keep the thoughts clean here people!)

Since I am the proud parent of four....yes, count 'em four lovely very young girls, it is unlikely that I will be travelling anytime soon over the "big water", as my oldest daughter called it, when they (my husband and his underwear) went to Ireland...wearing different world travelling undewear that I am also jealous of.) This being the case, the next time he travels, I think I will slip a pair of my undergarments into the suitcase so that I can say, although I've never been overseas, at least my underwear has.

[snicker! Let's see him explain those to customs!]

Tuesday, 13 December 2005

Woo Hoo!

Well. I am unofficially off of chocolate. Sort of. Chocolate pudding is still a staple in my diet. A woman needs to get her calcium after all.

God is wonderful. God is good. God is there for us when we ask him for help. He has made that clear through his word. I've learned though that I need to be specific when asking him for help with a problem. The first time I asked for stregnth to get through my chocolate addiction, I believe that he sent that help in the form of a diabetes scare. This time I hesitated before asking and finally did praying for stregnth to give up chocolate, but not through a diabetes scare, cancer or any other horrible fate. He answered my prayer. I got the stomach flu after downing a bag of chocolate balls.

When I pass by the chocolate chip jar I feel a shiver go up my spine and I break out in a cold sweat. I have chocolate balls sitting in my bedside table (don't ask why they are there and tell me I have a problem, my husband already did that!) I can't even muster up enough courage to take them out of there and throw them away now that I am better. Just thinking about them gives me indigestion.

So, my sincere thanks to the "Big Guy" for the help. I guess the moral of the story is that God will help you when you ask. I just need to remember that he's not a magic genie and will help you his way and in his time. The way that is best for me, and that will work for me, even though it may not be the way that I was hoping for! His will be done! Amen.

P.S. Thank God for toilets! 'Sploding ones or not!

Thursday, 8 December 2005

Thanks for the Memories

Thanks for the Memories ...
This came from True Blue Semi-Crunchy Mama/Writes for Chocolate ...

Please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL MEMORY OF YOU AND ME. It can be anything you want–good or bad–BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. When you’re finished, post this paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON’T ACTUALLY remember about you.

Onto the Next Attempt

I've failed once again
It's not easy you see
Giving up chocolate
In my family

It's a staple you know
Added to many a dish
How do I stop it?
With a prayer or a wish?

I'll try once again
To take it all out
None in the house
The kids will all pout

My husbands' bad too
He hangs out at the jar
Of chocolate chip morcels
They sure don't go far!

Christmas is coming
And nothing I make
Can have any chocolate
In treats that I bake

YUCK! I hate that
Sweets that are too bland
With no chocolate inside
Outside or on hand

Merry Christmas to all
Happy Hanukka too
When your eating your chocolate
Think of me sitting here....Blue.

The very end

P.S. Oh ya. I didn't beat the bus yesterday. But I did eat chocolate.

Sunday, 4 December 2005

I'm finding it hard to adjust to the chill in the air
I hate wearing a hat 'cause it flattens my hair
I'm not ready for Christmas, it should still be July
It was a sweltering summer, but the time sure did fly

A new year approaches but I'm feeling behind
I can't seem to catch up in my body or mind
I'm feeling all fuzzy and kinda blue
When I'm not chasing buses I know not what to do

Off for some chocolate for that pick me up treat
Smooth, dark and tasty, it doesn't need to be sweet
I'm feeling a little bit sick of the stuff
But my brain seems to need it, isn't life tough?!

I'm stopping myself from poisoning my whole being
Time to detox so from chocolate I'm fleeing
Where can I hide and get through the cravings
(Giving up chocolate will increase my savings!!!!!!!)

So once again, I'm giving it up
Does "Cafe Mocha" count since it comes in a cup?
So long to my friend "Starbucks" so dear
So long chocolate balls and chocolate chips too I fear

I'll try once again, and I hope this time I won't fail
Cause I feel kinda sick and a little bit frail
Please no chocolates for me....not for a while
Once I've detoxed from chocolate, I'll have reason to smile!

Friday, 2 December 2005

You be the Judge

I was putting the garbage out late last evening after a lovely evening out with a friend when I noticed the neighbourhood "crazy" person pacing the street, vehemently arguing with someone invisible to me. I realize that it is not politically correct or particularily kind to call some one nuts now a days when they are suffering from a mental illness. I'm not actually sure what the "mot du jour" is for mentally ill people today, but I feel some allowances can be made for me in this case since I suffer from a mental illness myself. Motherhood.

I stood and watched him for a while, while he stood and watched me. I started wondering if we were all that different from each other. We were both about the same age. We each could be found out wandering the streets at all hours. I, usually with a dog or child attached to me somewhere. Him, with his ever present plastic grocery bag. We both could be found talking to ourselves out in public, although I usually don't get into too many heated debates with myself such as he least not out loud.

I started to look at how he was dressed. He wears the same clothes always. He is always clean and tidy, but in the same outfit day in and day out. I am pretty much always in grubby jeans splattered with craft materials and little handprints made with whatever was on the menu from a couple of hours before. My sweatshirts and t-shirts usually have cartoon characters on them with cute little sayings. I am definately the messier of the two of us.

He can be found frequenting the street corner in front of a house that he had one time lived in. In it now resides the new tennant. There have been many since he had last lived there. I have lived in our home now for 13 years. He stands and observes the passing of cars and people on the street. Calmly. Softly speaking to himself. I can be found chasing school buses with strawberry blonde hair flying wildly out of an untidy ponytail dressed in odd combinations of clothing. (If I remember to get dressed at all!) I often can be found sporting penguin, duckie or piggy socks and sandals even though,'s winter in Canada.

I don't talk softly when outside in this wild state. I am yelling. Shouting as if my life depended on it. Chasing a dog out of the street and harrassing children about their choice of clothing and about their non-existent mittens.

I have a bad memory. I can be seen driving to school with forgotten forms, books, lunches after having chased my children onto the bus.

I don't recall ever being this way before I had children. I got married and still I seemed normal then. I took a first step on the road to responsibility and bought a dog. A really big dog. Still, I remained "normal." I had four children within 7 years. BINGO. I am no longer the normal person I once was. That's what leads me to believe that indeed motherhood is a mental illness. A wonderful one at that, but one just the same.

I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions about who is the crazier of the two of us. I've brought this insanity willingly upon myself. He didn't. 1 in 5 people suffer from some kind of mental illness. Of the ones that don't, many of them are parents. You see, I'm not worried about this because you know what? I'm in good company.