Thursday, 16 March 2006

The squirrel population has increased these last few days. I received this letter just the other day: (well, this is actually just a translation of the original. The actual note was written on the snow in "Squirrelish" with a peanut and some poops.)

Dear Provider of the Nuts,

We are not pleased with the present variety of foods being served. We would like to see something other than peanuts being served during the course of the week. Also, please note that your attempt to increase our blood pressure with the addition of salted peanuts is noted! Your excuse about that being all that is available is unacceptable. I know that you have peacans in your cupboard for cooking....you've been holding out on us. You will pay for this little mistake with the spreading of your garbage thoughout your driveway until the mistake is corrected.

We would also like you to address the concerns we have about the presentation of the food. Although in the human world you all would like to believe that flesh colour does not make a difference, in the squirrel world I will tell you that it does. The grey squirrels will be served on the upper deck of the yard. The black squirrels will eat on the lawn. (except for the really big black fellow with the scars on his body and half an ear. He can eat anywhere he darn well pleases.)

Finally, although we were previously opposed to sharing our dinners with the crows, we have since decided that their attendance has proven beneficial. We would have lost a few good members had not the large beasts chased away that hawk that was sizing us up.

The Squirrels

P.S. You're ugly and you smell like a human, so stop attempting to feed us from your hand. It's disgusting and takes away our appetite.

4 comments:

Deb said...

Love the post! I need the laugh!

Kurt said...

What we need now is a letter from the squirrels to your panties.

Mr. Incredulous said...

When Mr. Blue's away, the squirrels will play.

Adventurer said...

I like your wildlife management policy! Knock'em out with high blood pressure!