Monday, 18 September 2006

I got a letter from the New Yorker magazine telling me that I had come in Fourth place in their photo captions contest. I was quite disappointed, because the first three picked ahead of me weren't even funny! It was because I was Canadian and they only accept submissions, funny or not, from Americans. That sucked big time,.............and then I woke up.

I heard my daughter rummaging around upstairs so, since I was awake I decided to go up and see what was the matter. She was feeding my best chocolate chips to my fish. Apparently they are only poisonous for dogs and they are really good for fish. Then she was feeding the big fat now hollow chocolate fish in my tank to Spotty, who was using the tank as his personal toilet. I did find this a bit disturbing.......and then I woke up.

I awoke to yet another lively game of beat the bus. Even though they moved the stop down the street, I have the advantage over "Speedy" and her haphazard ways. I have grown sticky pads on the fingers and soles of my feet. Like a tree frog. I can run, jump, grab the bus and hand on, banging on the windows until she stops................and then I woke up.

I was sitting in my Dentists chair getting frozen to the teeth (baha!) while he took out these horrendous drilling apparatus' and stretched my face like it was silly putty. My filling apparently needed to be replaced by a gargantuan one that felt like it took up my whole mouth. Although usually a gentle soft spoken fellow, he was laughing at jokes being told by other staff around the office and causing me great pain, the likes of which I have never felt before in his office, or in anyones office. Even during gum surgery I never felt this bad! I wish I could wake up. But this was not a dream. CRAP!

I like my dentist....lucky for him. If I didn't, I was thinking how much fun it might be to eat garlic bread and spaghetti and maybe a bit of curry before my appointment. Some navy beans might also be an appropriate choice to spice up the atmosphere. Then Que sera sera baby!

I mean, who in there right mind....or my insane one for that matter, would pay $269.00 to give them such agonizing pain. Don't answer that! It's just a rhetorical question.

If you'll excuse me, I sure could use a tylenol.


kurt said...

I entered that damn NYer contest only once, and when they picked a less-funny verison of my caption, I decided never to enter again. Curse those New York snobs!

GoofyJ said...

I'm due for a dentist visit, and trying to see how long I can procrastinate before either my hubby hauls me in (his dad is a dentist so he has this crazy idea about regular check-ups) or my teeth all fall out :)

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I'm with ya Kurt!

I'd go for the check-up over the teeth falling out.....but only barely goofyj!

Deb said...

Do you have to remind me I need a trip to the dentist? LOL. I submitted a story to the NY a few months ago; they rather snobbily told me it did not fit their editorial needs,

I'll say it again. . .snobs. LOL