Friday, 28 September 2007

Collecting Nuts

While the squirrels are collecting nuts for the winter, so will I. Here are the nuttier points of my Summer. An overview, as you will....if it really matters to anyone.

What I saw:

Jesus riding a bicycle. He was wearing a long brown hooded robe, sandals and had a face full of hair and long flowing locks. How did I know it was Jesus and not Moses? He didn't look a thing like Charelton Heston and wasn't a card carrying member of the NRA.

A very large and startled doe almost took me off my bike. In the middle of the city people, on the edge of the downtown core. I was riding over from Quebec. I looked over to see a doe running at full break-neck speed straight at me. I hit the breaks and freaked her out and she darted back into a wooded area along side the road.

I'm still not convinced that this wasn't a diabolical plot by the other half of we to take me out by bike. Mr. P would have loved the venison too, had they let him keep it.

I came across a smallish black bear foraging along the bike path. It was ok though! There was a roller-blader right behind me and he was moving slower than me. He was also juicier and tastier looking with a crunchier coating. (I had forgotten to wear my helmut that day.) At least to a bear I mean. I did warn him though....the man. More so because I wanted to see if he could see the bear too or if it was just a hallucination. Thank God! It was real.

I watched my brother in law looking very hot in his fire fighters equipment using the jaws of life to take apart a car. First of all, by hot I mean it was a roasty toasty day and I felt sorry for anyone in uniform. I won't completely admit though that it wasn't a double entendre! Second of all, it was just a demonstration and did not have anything to do with my driving. It's just too bad that they accidentally used the wrong car for the demonstration. kidding!

A middle aged woman of Asian decent walking sideways and/or backwards along the bike path every morning. I don't know. What more can I say about that?

Two individuals rolling around in the grass, making out along the bike path. They were dressed in clothing worn by a very strict religious group who have been known to get upset if you insult them. So I won't say anymore. I just sure hope for her sake she doesn't get pregnant!

My doctor cry. The medication for my Anxiety Disorder had the unexpected side effect of making me more creative, smarter, more charming and beautiful beyond compare....ok. Maybe just marginally more creative. She took full credit for my newly found talent and was quite pleased with my portfolio. So much so that she grabbed me in a bear hug while I was sitting naked in nothing but a paper sheet and a smile on the examination table. Maybe next time I show someone my portfolio I'll make sure I'm wearing clothes.

My favourite pastor leave our church. We took the summer off and now God has his work cut out for him! I'm like Dr. House on a bad day. That's what happens when you don't nourish the soul. I did attend one service at a new church. They started in on Global warming and I just had to never go back there again. PLEASE! Isn't there anywhere to hide from that bogus topic!!!?

And finally.....I quit drawing, blogging, writing. Biking pretty much filled my time. I have as much artistic talent right now as a one year old with a hand full of poop. I can draw something, but it just makes a mess. Ditto for the writing.


Kurt said...

There a dozens of Chinese Americans walking backward down the beach path near where I used to live. It's a thing they do.

Glad you had so much fun biking. Going outside is a good thing.

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Who said anything about having fun?

Grandma "C" said...

Glad to see you are back, I missed you. Hope to see more postings, and perhaps a drawing or two. Sounds like you had a busy summer.

Patti said...

Welcome back. That's got to be one interesting bike trail you've been stalking.

richgold said...

Yah! She's back!

Kris said...

Glad you're back! Um yeah, I am totally with you on the global warming thing...but at church, seriously? Hehe.