Killing the Monster

Cheese Slice Bob from next door drove up just after my tantrum and came over to chat.

Cheese Slice Bob:  What'cha doing?

Sandi:  Hmmm, having a bad art day.

Chees Slice Bob:  So how's the painting coming?

Sandi:  [Blank Stare for a few seconds]  Ummm.......Okay......well, not today, but okay I guess.

Cheese Slice Bob:  Ah!  That's good!

I had just started the clean up and I think he was enjoying one of my female nudes and probably didn't hear much of what I said.  At least he kept sneaking peaks at it.  He was feeding the monster.

Today I hate art.  Actually, for about a half a month now I've hated art.  I hate the monster that drives the desire to create the art.  I want to kill that monster.  

I draw at home, group sessions,  coffee shops, paint in class.  I live and breath art.  I watch how the light hits a persons face in the grocery store, imagine how I would capture a small smirk on a stranger in a coffee shop, wonder what colours I would use and what direction the strokes would take when seeing a landscape.  (And I don't even do lanscapes!)  I can't turn it off. 

The monster drives me on a primal level.  It's instinctive, this desire.  I have to do it.  I try to stop.  I ignore the monster, tune him out, refuse to give in.  The desire grows stronger until I can think of nothing else.  Like a chocoholic thinks of chocolate when abstaining (I know all about that!)   My monster demands to be satisfied, but he never is.

I hate art.

It felt good to throw everything out the window!  I really did it.  But then Cheese Slice Bob stood enjoying my nude painting.  At least that's what the monster would have me believe.  My monster rejoiced as I wavered thinking that could be true.

I Hate Art!

Dejected at having the failed in my attempt to completely eradicate my monster, or even subdue him for any length of time, I returned the objects to their places in my home.  Then for good measure, the monster punished my tantrum by stabbing me good and proper in the wrist with a needle sharp colourless blender.  Bastard!!!  Broke my lawn gnome too with the canvas.  Idiot!

I HATE ART!!  And I HATE that F***ing monster!

P.S.  His name is Hank.