Sunday, 6 November 2005

The Big Chocolate Fast ---Day 1

Day 1 - The stats:
weight: Equivalent to a female great dane and a skinny beagle.
mental status: Alert. I can form full sentances, and still know how to spell my name. I feel like a blob on chocolate. Time to kick the habit. (hmmmm...maybe I should take up smoking....)
Mood:Fat...believe me fat has a mood to it!
Chocolate status: The house is packed with it. It was Halloween, d'uh! I ate chocolate pudding today, and a piece of chocolate chip muffins. (are there any other flavours? (smile)

I'm attempting the impossible and trying to give up chocolate (YES, AGAIN, OK! YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT!?) I don't expect to have a functioning brain for some time to come. I will therefore go into my "embarrasing stories" archives and post embarrasing stories for every day that I cheat on my attempts at giving up chocolate. Oh heck, maybe I'll just keep posting them until I gain my brain cells back.

Well, here's the first one so guess what......I didn't make it through the first day.....exactly. [sigh]

My sister and her husband just celebrated her second anniversary....I think.

My Sisters Wedding

The dream wedding I had envisioned for my sister involved a minister, the Bride and Groom and 2 witnesses. As much as I love my sister, preferably I would not be one of the witnesses. Unfortunately the happy couple had other ideas.

It was a small wedding with family only. Being matron of honor, I proceed down the isle with the flower girl, who happened to be one of my daughters. I assist her in the task of handing out roses to all of the ladies in the pews. It was a proud moment. I was relieved that I had found a lovely champagne coloured blouse with a dangling neck and black 40’s style shirt, that didn’t empty my bank account but hid my neglected bulges. I was stunning. OK. I was actually just presentable, but since I don’t often get dressed up, I thought I looked stunning. I gracefully bent down to hand the flowers to my daughter. One at a time, one for each lady. A horrible thought struck me at the start of the ceremony. I am wearing a blouse with a dangly neck! Guess what view the minister, groom and best man got. Yes, my not so volumptuous chest in full view for anybody to see. A more horrible thought struck me then. Nobody even seemed to notice or bother to look. What’s worse? Showing them off or having anybody care?

The minister then asks the couple to join hands to exchange the vows. I, the Matron of Honour Extrordinaire choose that very moment to take a mental holiday. Letting my mind wander to wonderful places, not seeing the ever important cue from my sister that it’s my turn to do my duty. I notice the silence. I looked into my sisters beautifully made up face and noticed a look of .... annoyance as she held her bouquet out to me and waited. And waited, and waited. Oh yes, that’s right, I’m suppose to hold her bouquet!

The minister asks for the rings. Now is my chance to make up for my previous blunders and exhibitionism. Ok. Have you ever tried to open a little tiny box with a small latch with shaking hands while holding a bouquet of flowers? Need I say more? I see the exasperated look on my sisters’ face as I finally get the box open.

It’s at this moment that my four year old daughter, returning from a trip to the bathroom, ran up the aisle with her lovely purple dress tucked fully into her underwear. My husband runnning after her frantically saying in a loud whisper, “Stop!…your dress….take the dress out of your underwear!” Too bad he couldn’t catch her. This is not a proud moment.
Despite it all, it was a lovely day. We returned home after the dinner with one crying fussing baby, two bouncing, jumping sugar high children. Butter smeared all over my new champagne colored dangly neck blouse. One chocolate covered four year old in a purple dress. Not tucked into her underwear this time.

P.S. When the pictures came back I looked like a large baked potato wrapped in gold foil. Yup.....and that's the look I was actually going for.


Maggie Ann said...

I love your sense of humor!! You are a good writer...I detect talent here *smile*. thanks for leaving a comment at knitting kat and telling me what your special 'ahhh' moment was for the day. I've just ended my day with laughter and enjoyed the experience of your sister's wedding, via your keyboard. Blessings to you!

Patti said...

Why in the world do you think they came out with chocolate calcium supplements for women?!!! Cause we NEED chocolate!

Don't make me come up there! ;)

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

I know Patti [sniffle, wimper, cry]!....but I'm getting fat! and I hate shopping for new sizes. It's so discouraging and depressing! I want to eat only a little, but I just can't stop! I was standing in my kitchen sniffing the chocolate chip jar the one day I didn't actually eat any.