Monday, 25 September 2006

Monday's Beat The Bus -- Fear Factor Style

Alllllright contestants. On todays beat the bus our family will be required to take caution while attempting to beat the bus, thus avoiding time consuming and potentially dangerous obstacles along the way. Can they do it? Let's just see.

5 minutes on the clock please as we play ....."Beeeeat the Bus!"

Perp: "Let's go! The bus is going to be here in 5 minutes! Let's get the lead out people!"
1-4: No dissernable movement in the house.
Perp: "I said let's go!!!!!!"
1-4: No dissernable movement in the house.
Perp: "I'm going ahead out to the bus!"
1-4: No dissernable movement in the house.
Perp: "No computer priviledges on the weekend if you don't.....umph!"
2 of 4: "Mom, are you ok, why are you lieing on the floor like that! We're going to be late for school!"

at the bus stop, as the bus drives past the end of the street to circle around the block....

3 of 4: "Oh no! I forgot my toy!"
Perp: "you don't have time to get it"
3 of 4: "Waaaaahhhhh! But I want it!"
Perp: "Too bad, so sad. You'll need to get yourself together earlier next time."
3 of 4: "But I can beat the bus! I'll go reaaaallly quick!"
Perp: "You miss the bus and there'll be big trouble! And I mean BIG!"

Faster than the speed of light....well, maybe faster than the speed of the neighbours dog....well, on second thought maybe not. He thinks it's a game. He's gaining on her, he's getting closer...closer....closer! He jumps..... he scores!

He sets 3 off balance, she stumbles, she stumbles, she slows, she gets her legging, she's up and running again! OH! But wait! It seems she's wearing flip-flops! With socks no less....oooooh! She trips on a flip of the flop. Bad fashion choice for today 3! And shame on you Mom for letting her make that decision! Especially the socks! tsk, tsk!

Here comes some further interference from down the street! A neighbour just entered the course and is assisting 3 to get up and brushed off. Three is angry, screaming and appears in pain, but has enough stregnth to beat off the kindly, helpful, neighbour. Ooooh! Three! Should you be calling her that?!

Mom is standing, stunned, up the street! Is she going to make a move? She appears to be....yes, turning red! She is embarrased about the beating the neighbour is getting. She starts to run towards 3. She apologizes, she grabs three and hugs her....

Perp: "Suck it up princess! Get your butt in that house NOW and get that toy or else! BIG TROUBLE!"

3 of 4 takes off again, here comes dad to see what all the yelling is about....Mom shoots him a dirty look! He knows not to provide further interference. Mom heads back to the bus. It doesn't look good for the team. Mom's shoulders slump in defeat. She sits on the curb. The neighbours dog comes and gives her a full contact face wash! Ooooh! Salt in the wound puppy!

But wait! Here comes three of four, with a stellar smile....well, she's still sobbing slightly, but with a stellar smile! Oh no! Here also comes the bus! Is she going to make it?

YEA! She just makes the bus! (but only because the driver sees the scrapped, sobbing child and decides to slow to a fast crawl.) Mom tosses the child on the bus as it passes.....another successful game.

Ok Vicki, lets tell Perp what she has won.....today you have won an all expense paid trip to your house with you're little 4 year old neighbour! You and you're neighbour will have a fun filled morning cleaning fish tanks and playing on kids web sites. If you're really good, you get a coffee later in the afternoon. Congratulations Perp!

God Help us! It's only Monday!

2 comments:

Kurt said...

Damn helpful neighbors.

Deb said...

You're so darn funny. I laughed my butt off, and believe me,that's quite a feat.

Around here, er play "Drive Mommy Crazy." ROTFL.