Wednesday Funnies

I have no idea if I've posted these yet or not. A neighbour sent them to me and since my brain is chocolate depleated (yes, I'm attempting the impossible yet again, to give it up.) I haven't got more than a couple of neurons firing. I'm also low on energy and therefore don't want to expend precious reserves to go back and check.

My brain is pretty much a blank slate of late, but not to worry. I'm heading off to Walmart to do some shopping. If that doesn't invite craziness and mayhem to find me, I don't know what will. Enjoy...or don't.

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?""It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."And they say blondes are dumb...
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
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He said - "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"She said - "That's a good idea, you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?A: A Rumor
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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
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Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.AMEN
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Q: Why do little boys whine?A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?A: Trustworthy.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"