Wednesday, 22 November 2006

It's a lovely day in the neighbourhood

Notice to all neighbourhood squirrels:

Please refrain from leaving squirrel nuggets on our fence. Although yes, we did spend a substantial amount of money to errect a new perch for your sitting pleasure, it was not intended to also double as a toilet. Also, please fight the urge to urinate on the bike seats, stroller tray and any other item sitting around the doorstep.

Stop begging at the back patio door for your breakfast after 8am....the kitchen is closed! If you don't get served by Mr. P. before that time, no amount of begging, chirping, twitching or flinging of squirrel nuggets will persuade me to give up the goods.

Notice to new Canadians:

We welcome you to our country, enjoy. Please however consider wearing deodourant and showering once in a while, especially before shopping at a mall. We here in Canada have lots of water. Don't worry about running out, we won't.

Also, although I am sure you were brought up to speed on the weather situation here, let me reinforce the fact that it is a colder climate than most. Sandals with bare feet are not an appropriate choice for now or during the middle of winter. Feet are especially unattractive when they are cold!

Finally, to the gentleman (and I use this term loosely!) who was pleasuring himself in front of the potato chips at the grocery store:

Maybe you could wear some underwear under your robe. Maybe some people are impressed with your "tent" making abilities....I am not one of them however. I would prefer not to have to explain to my children why "that man in the long white dress is spending so much time smiling at the barbeque potato chips. Oh, and by the way mom, what's that he's holding on to through his dress?" Also, please find a more suitable place to shake hands with your best friend. I don't need to share that.


Mr. Incredulous said...

I won't be eating potato chips for quite some time now.
Remember what they say: Once you pop, you can't stop!

Adventurer said...

Oh man. What a week you've had. Did this all happen at Wally World?

To Mr. Incredulous, it's my experience that once a guy's popped, that's when he does stop.

Kris said...

ewwwwwww...ewwwwwww....ewwwwww! EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!


Deb said...

What is it with these people and potato products? Must be some kind of spud fetish. LOL

jon said...

My dear, squirrels can't read. Why would you try to post them a message? I've had several squirrels send me e-mails, and they make no sense whatsoever. And their spelling is horrid.

As for the potato chip man, I think my reaction would have been a bit stronger. Especially if one of my daughters had witnessed such. I'd be in jail, and he would probably be in the hospital getting the entire rack of chips remove from his A**.

Angela said...

There are benifits to being a blind person

GoofyJ said...

That is just WRONG!

Perpetual Chocoholic said...

Hey Jon! Good to see you. Our Canadian squirrels are crafty little beasts and know how to read and type and have their own laptops in their nests. Who do you think sends out all of that spam?

Sariah said...

Um, ew! Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew!! Okay, now that I'm thoroughly disgusted...

Who let that man out of the mental hospital, anyway???