Late Night Walk

In the past few years I have decided to work on the improvement of all the different parts that make up me. Unfortunately I haven't been able to get them all whipped into shape at the same time. When I am physically fit, I am spiritually depressed and mentally derranged. When I grew closer to God, and managed to get my brain chemically stable, I grew a pot and added 15lbs. Now I'm back to square one and am trying to catch my body up with my spirit and mental capacity. This is not going as smoothly as I had hoped. First I have to realize that I am not the person who I once was.

Being the busy parent that I am, it is often quite late at night before I have been able to get out to exercise. It is not unusual to find me wandering the streets, earphones plugged into my head, at 10:00 at night. This has lead to some nervous walks, as I often hear in the news how the gangs are raging in this end of town at all hours. At least I assume it's at night, since I don't see them spray painting during the daylight hours.

Watching various diverse groups of people collecting throughout my route to socialize, was unnerving to say the least. Especially when I would come across a group that contained all young males or the odd single male walking suspiciously alone.

I started to ask myself, was I doing anything that would/could make me a target to any of these groups? Was there anything here that would cause them to swarm me? Was I just so darn sexy that I'd get hit on when walking past? Here's what I came up with. See what you think:

List of items that would make me an irrisistable target to young men along my walking route.

*I'm 40. Strawberry blonde with white highlights.
*AT LEAST 15lbs overweight (which is the equivalent to 30lbs in my doctors opinion I'm sure.)
*Hair is starting to grown on my chin....oh baby! That's hot!
*I'm wearing an extra large baggy t-shirt with dirty little handprints all over the back. Most of them are on my butt. I still don't know how or why, I have no knowlege of anyone grabbing me there, but they are there. Like crop circles. A mystery.
*I'm wearing clothes that were in fashion when I first bought them about 10 years ago. Except the new pants, which are the low waisted ones. I like this new fashion! My waistband can fall beneath my bulging waistline!
*I'm carrying the latest in technology. A walkman. Ok. It was the latest in technology when my husband bought it for me about 13 years ago.
*Orthopaedic shoes
*Control top underwear
*Acne

Ok. Maybe I was kidding about the shoes and underwear, but the rest pretty much fits. I started to realize along my walk, that I'm old. I'm old and unattractive! And I am not up to current geek standards as far as technology goes. I don't even have an ipod for goodness sakes. Everybody and their dog has one of those.

I'm getting to that age where personality matters. That means I'm going to have to start to be nice to people, even when I'm having PMS. Ewww! Looks aren't something that can get me by anymore! (Not that I ever had them in abundance to start with, but now they are becoming even more fleeting!) I'm not ready to be that nice yet!

Well, since I'm not carrying a purse, or up to date electronics, I suppose I'm safe. Unless the nursing homes up the street have let loose their 90 year old gang bangers. I may still be somewhat attractive to them, considering what they have to work with.

Oddly enough, my husband worries if my walk goes on a bit longer than expected. I don't know what he thinks might happen to me. At first I thought this sweet until I realized the true reason that he is worried is that if something happens to me he doesn't know a single thing about kids fashion. The last time I went out of town overnight I came back to find the children hadn't brushed their hair or teeth all day and were wearing mismatched clothes most of which weren't even for the correct season. He'd have to care for the kids alone. This scares him. I can tell by the look of relief when I finally walk through that door!

I sure do hope that in end times when I get my new body that it doesn't look as old as it looks now! What a way to spend eternity!