Beauman's Blue Mischief ~ "Mr. Blue"
~ February 8, 1993 - February 27, 2006~

Well Hello all!

Or as they say in Canadian "Hello all, eh!" I'm home for just a few days....I'm off to Boston next, later this week. I got to see some of the lovely attractions while I was in Vancouver. I can't believe how green the grass is and that there is no snow anywhere. (not that I know what snow looks like anyways.) Here I am looking out our hotel window. I have a lovely view of the parking lot. I know that normally this wouldn't be exciting, but hey, it's my first one.

I hear that Vancouver is on the western coast of the country, so when California goes under water when the big one comes, I guess Vancouver will be going too. I'd like to think they are talking about earthquakes when they say this and not gas. Both cause me rock like there's no tomorrow. One's just less scary to me than the other. Not that I'm experienced in this matter actually. I've still never been worn, and Sandi doesn't do "that" anyhow.

They did have an earthquake back home. We just missed it by a couple of hours. It was only 4.5, and there wasn't any damage.

Here we are out for dinner at the "Boathouse." Seafood of course. It's a good thing that Sandi isn't accompanying him on this trip. She heaves at the thought of the stuff. Not appealing on a date. I, on the otherhand don't mind going to seafood restraunts. Especially if it means getting out of the suitcase for a little fresh air. Always a pleasant thing when you are an undergarment.....fresh air I mean.[blush!]

Here I am overlooking the mountains....breathtaking aren't they [giggle]. I mean the mountains, not my stripes silly! I'm sure glad it wasn't windy or I might have been blown away in every sense of the word!

Much love, will write from Boston

Vicki Stripes
xoxoxox

Fairy Tale Wedding

Once upon a time
Not so long ago
A Princess fair met and wed
Her Prince whos name was Joe

This tale is not about them
In any shape or form
But about invited guests
Who just weren't quite the norm

As it usually happens
These guests can't get things right
If it's not one, it's the other
And it was the fellow this fine weddings night!

A lovely feast was spread
For all there to partake of
But while the fellow sat chatting
Others kept looking....above

Above his eyes to his brows
Something was not quite right
They couldn't look away
Try and try as they might

The wife of this finely groomed fellow
Knew just what was wrong
She left him alone with the clippers
And eyebrows he thought were too long!

So he clipped and clipped away
With the electrical beast
And in the end what came out
Wasn't what he had wanted in the least

You look like a transvestite
The astonished wife laughed
You're getting all dressed up for nothing
Cause still in the end you'll look daft

It's really quite hard
To make a mad face
When your eyebrows are thin
And gone at the base

Perhaps no one will notice
That you've shaved them away
You could borrow a dress
Go as a woman I'd say!

The solutions were none
They went anyway
A fun time was had by all
To remember for many a day


The very end

If only I had pictures!

Hi All,

Arrived safely in Vancouver. Will post again soon. I'm hoping to make it out of the suitcase this time.

Much Love,

Vicki Stripes
xoxox

It's been almost a week since I've posted anything. I've been on an impromtu vacation (in a rut). So here I am back temporarily.

Vicki Stripes is going to Vancover this week, not me.

My kids will be getting on the school bus and going off for a day of "work", not me.

The other half of me will be off working stressfully hard wishing he were home like me, but not me.

Tomorrow I will tackle the toilets and pick up the garbage the squirrels spread around (the black ones. The grey ones stare at me through the patio door until they drive me nuts....no pun intended.).....lucky me.

I fell off the wagon. I'm back at the bar.....of chocolate I mean. Nothing serious. Back to depriving myself again tomorrow. 5 days off and two days on.

I've added a cartoon a day early. Lucky you. Try not to laugh too loudly [eyes rolling here.]

To Mr. Perpetual Chocoholic aka Vicki Stripes' Travelling Partner

Hi all,

Well, I'm back from my trip. It was fabulous. I got to go to Santa Barbara via a flight out of Toronto. I flew business class in the overhead compartment, not in the cold bowels of the plane. I liked that.
No one offered me anything to eat or drink, which I'm a little disappointed about. You'd think my travelling companion was embarrased to be seen with me.

On the first day we drove past the ocean. I'm sure it was refreshing to feel the ocean breeze despite the scorching 95 degree temperature. I wouldn' t know. I was in the trunk of the car at the time. I hear there were surfers and people frolicing in the water. I'm sure their bathingsuits were enjoying themselves. [sigh]

The hotel was nice....from what I could tell from the inside of the shaving kit. My home. My prison.

Well at least I can say that I've been to Santa Barbara which is more than I can say for Sandi's butt. I have pamphlets to prove it. Will post pic's later.

Much Love,

Vicki Stripes
xoxoxo

It ALL Happend One Morning

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get one pair of underwear into your husbands suitcase unoticed, wake up 15 minutes before the bus and provide on cartoon on your blog. Good luck. This message will not self destruct in 30 seconds, but will remain on your blog for what will seem like an eternity to remind you that you are truely the nut and not the magnet......

7:00am
*alarm goes off, radio accidentally turned down very low during the setting process which was at 12:30 am when I awoke and remembered I needed to make the kids lunches and clean the kitchen. (I lay down for "just one minute" at 10pm.)
*"One more minute, that's all I need"
*husband is absent and therefore can't remind me to get up. He is now in California with my Travelling underwear I have affectionately named "Vicki Stripes" (for vicariously)

7:30 am
*Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! It's 7:30 am! 15 minutes to the bus!
*Run up stairs 2 at a time seeing stars the whole way. I got up a little too quickly I guess!
*Chicken little runs around the house yelling "the bus is coming ... the bus is coming!
*Stop to check self in the bathroom mirror. Don't want to frighten the kiddies.
*Look at aquarium. They really do have the most amazing looking fish now a days. Do you know that yesterday....I digress, back to panicing.
*Ahhhhhhhh! Get up! 15 minutes until the bus comes...
*Child #2 Miss Negative "we'll never make it Mom."
*Child #1 Miss Blank Stare "I can't find any pants."
*Chile #3 Miss Obstinate, no response. She'll get up when she's darn good and ready and the whole entire world can just go to H-E-Double hockey sticks! And apparently now, she's not ready. She is the equivalent of a cat in the human world.
*Cheese buns for breakfast....
*All children in various states of readiness turn up in the kitchen in a fraction of a second. They REALLY like cheese buns.
*I shove chunks of banana unattractively in each of their mouths with the chunks of cheese bun already floating around there. They think this is funny. I, on the other hand, fail to see the humour in this situation.

7:40 am
*All children stand fully dressed for one of the first truely chilly winter days this season. hair and teeth brushed (to the best of my knowledge.) and they look better than they usually do in the morning. They are .... amused.

7:41 am
*We are waiting for the bus. Hmmm. I don't think I like just waiting around like this. It's kind of boring actually being on time! No adrenalin rush, no high upon making it on time.

7:52 am
*Bus was a bit late today. Can you imagine!

New routine! Get up at this time every day!

8:00 am
*receive the following e-mail:

"You really did it! I can't believe it. Now I will have to try get a picture :-)"

I hid them in the little itty bitty pocket of his shaving kit. Taaa Daaa! Now I hope he remembers to buy a small pin or badge or something that I can put on them, otherwise I'll need to write on them. If he gets a picture of them there, I'll do a happy dance!

Well....I've completed my mission for today. I am the Queen of the Universe! Or Canada at least. I'll leave the take over of the States, or at least part of it to Fourth_Fret. Back to bed. Being Queen is exhausting!

It's been another uneventful weekend. I thank God for that. Only I don't have any blogging material. I must have successfully made myself look hideous enough to be unapproachable at the ski hill, because no one disturbed me. I had no job offers when shopping. We made it to the bus this morning with time to spare. The bus driver is starting to look bored as he pulls up to the house. Just another house....just another day.
I have become ordinary. Time to shake things up........

Oh ya! I almost forgot.....today is the big day to purchase the travelling underwear! They leave tomorrow for California and then Vancouver next week. I offered to buy boxers so they looked less conspicuous in the suitcase, but the other half of we said no. I guess he doesn't think I can slip them in unseen before he leaves. Hmmmm......I like a challenge now and again.

Brain Farts and Nut Cases

I took a trip this evening to buy ice skates at Walmart. For the normal person this would be an easy thing. For me, it's an exercise in the abnormal that I need to live through to find material to write about for this blog. I say that though, knowing of course that if I didn't have a blog these odd things would still happen to me. I just like to think that they have a purpose other than I'm just another nut magnet!

I was attempting to call home on a brand new (second hand) cell phone that my husband had just purchased for me. I was walking with the look of a person with a purpose I suppose, while staring at my new phone, attempting to get a stronger signal.

I was interupted by a woman with a heavy Eastern European accent asking me what I did for a living. She looked normal, pleasant and well groomed....clean. She appeared to be well spoken and intelligent.

Now I'm not one to give out personal information to perfect strangers in the middle of a Walmart, but my curiosity got the best of me and I gave her some uninformative vague answers to her questions.

I was a woman that was emitting great confidence, and purpose....apparently. She said I looked well put together. Snort! For a street person perhaps. Was I interested in a job for XYZ (false name of course) financial company? She pulled out a little pad and wrote her name and number and handed it to me. (What? No business card?) Ya thanks! I be calling you for a job tomorrow.

Some crazy things go through ones mind when these things happen like:

*Is she going to make a pass at me?
*She could use an appointment with a dentist for a whitening treatment.
*Lovely accent! I wonder if she ships unsuspecting women overseas to work as prostitutes. (and I'm such a fabulous pick!)
*Which "financial" company do you work for, really!? And how much do you get if I get hired on.
*Do you have someone behind me trying to get my wallet or are you just looney.

While I stood there waiting for my improptu interview end, it hit me! I forgot to put on my scary unapproachable face before leaving the house darn it! Not that it matters, because it makes me that much more of a challenge! It's the nose. I have a little cute turned up nose that makes me look friendly, approachable and like a sucker. The kind of nose that makes Tom Hanks look perpetually boyish despite his advancing in years. Yes, it's the nose!


Oh and here's one for Mr. Incredulous at People Say Stupid Things:

The phone rang the other day, which I made the rare mistake of answering. I rarely do. That is indeed what answering machines are for! TO WEED OUT THE LOONIES PEOPLE!

"Hello, I'm calling from blah, blah, blah, and I would like to talk to you about the Consumers Choice Awards." said the poor interviewer on the other end of the line.

"Oh, no, I'm not interested in participating. I never watch that show." I muttered distractedly as I turned and hung up the phone.

Then it hit me. He wasn't calling about the "People's Choice Awards." Like someone would be calling Canada about that anyhow. After I had finished laughing I thought of Mr. I sitting in the place of the interviewer, shaking his head and then writing about my brain fart on his blog the next day.

I think I spend too much time looking at blogs. I'm starting to connect my everyday life with them far too much! LOL.