Beating the Bus Again

I stood somberly in the doorway watching the bus bump it's way down the street with screaming excited children ready to take on another day. So often I've read in historical novels of their characters suffering from melancholy. It sounds so much nicer than depression. It's been a rough week with the passing of Mr. Blue. I turned to see 3 children in various states of readiness for school watching to see if I was going to blow. I didn't on this day. I'm melancholied out. But guess what....that was yesterday, and today is another day!

GET MOVING! And if I hear one more person say their sister is an "a**hole, I'm getting out the soap....again! (to their shocked suprise for the first time in the history of this household-- yesterday-- I washed two of their mouths out with soap. I had once tried "Louisianna Hot Sauce" to stop one child from biting everyone in sight, but unfortunately she was immediately taken with the stuff and could be found sucking on it clandestinely in the kitchen at a frequency that was alarming to me! I had created a pre-school Louisianna Hot Sauce addict!)

The delay tactics were starting. Child #2 approaches and opens her mouth as if to speak, "If someone or something isn't currently in the process of dieing, and if you say one word before getting ready for school like I asked, I'm going to introduce you to Mr. Sudsey Handsoap....again.

"But Mom, I was just coming to say I love you!!!!" she retorts in her best insulted voice.
"Right! You forget, I know you! When you were a toddler, you're the one who used to watch yourself cry in the mirror, then switch to a smile, then back to crying in a blink!" She started taking grand manipulator lessons early!
"Oh, listen Tara! Is that Mr. Sudsey I hear calling you?" Busted! She stomps away.
Delay tactic #1 ineffective.

ONE MINUTE TO THE BUS PEOPLE!

Delay tactic # 2:
"It's skating day at school and I can't find my helmet or skates. Can you find them then drive me to school if we miss the bus?"
"Sadly no!" I put on my sadest face when I say this for effect! I guess you get to watch your friends having fun skating, while you sit on a snowbank freezing your little bun buns off. Awwww. How sad for you! "
"You know, I just forgot, I may have seen them in the back room after all!"
(snicker, right! nice try...again, but no score.)

By this time I notice Child #3 coming out walking like a penguin with an egg on it's feet trying to make it to the door to escape outside.
"Ok everyone, today we're going to start a new routine. When you come to the front door ready to go out we're going to play a game called "patdown."" I see the look of panic flash across Karen's face.

"You know Karen," I say as I pat her down,
"Most people don't have odd geometrical shapes, with sharp corners protruding from various points in their pants. Whatever could have accidentally fallen in there when you were getting dressed?" A slight smirk adorns her lips.
"Opps! A pudding. One pudding." she giggles.
"That's all?" I ask?
"Oh yes!" she replies in earnest
"Then the second pudding and chocolate chip granola bars must just be in my imagination." I say maintaining that ever important eye contact to show that today I mean business....for a change.
"You know that there is only one sweet snack and two healthy snacks for school!"
BUSTED!

Delay tactic #3:
"I can't find pants Mom!" Tara tries in a final desparate attempt to miss the bus.
"Well, I'm sure the kids won't laugh for more than a day or two when you show up to school in your underwear!" I try to put on my best serious face, which might I add in no way even remotely rivals hers!
I'm not quite sure what exactly she was mummbling to herself, but she came back with pants on ready for the bus.

The bus pulls away with three little....disgruntled schemers off for another day of learning.

"Good morning Sandi!" My 4th has taken to calling me by my less formal name, like her little friends. Not wanting to watch that bright eyed bushy tailed looking expression fade, I pick my battles carefully you know, I let it slide for now. I don't want to start off my day with tantrums and fits. (I don't have enough energy right now to throw one anyways.) I turn to her and smile.
"Good morning sweety! Let's go to Starbucks for coffee!"

See, somedays it's good to be a stay at home mom. Even better on the days that we beat the bus!