The following transcript was received a few days ago by the family of "it." I mean "Perpetual Chocoholic." It was received on a beta tape and was therefore not viewed until just today. (Let's see you try to find a beta machine somewhere!!)Bunny#2:Where the heck is the Village Gnome [tsk, sigh] We've always got to wait for him. Thinks he's so bloody great! I'm the Village Gnome. I've been decorated more than anybody else! I'm the king of the planet! [said in mocking tone]
Turtle: I say we go ahead without him. All in favour say I.
All: I!!!!!!
To Whom it May Concern;
We are the "Lawn Ornaments Of the North In Exile" ....or L.o.o.n.i.e. for short. We are not a terrorist group, or at least we were not, until today. We are currently holding "it" hostage.
These are our demands:
*Promise that "it" will no longer ridicule us by dressing us up,moving us around, or sticking sticky notes to our bodies anywhere in North America, during the light of day OR dark of night!
Ok, maybe we only have one demand.....NO Wait!
*We also demand that you pay to have it permanently removed from the region should "it" continue to harass us, using whatever means necessary....[Insert sinister music here.]
Squirrel #1: I really hate that name. LOONIE. What kind of lame name is that! Boy....that really bites. I thought we were going to hold a vote on it.
Hippo: Ya well, I think you really bite! Just because we didn't want to use your acronym "S.T.O.P (superior tacky ornamental personages) I mean....what the heck does that mean?
Turtle: Could we please just get on with it before the Gnome gets here. If he gets here before we're done we'll never get out of here. You KNOW how he goes on and on about how HE'S the one who's been humiliated and how HE'S the real injured party.
Bunny#2: Can you believe he actually wanted us to consider hiring a hit man! He's wacko man!
Bunny#1: He really freaks me out too! The other day I saw him whispering and snickering to himself.
Hippo: Ok. Let's call it a day. What do we do with it until we hear back from "them?"
.............................end of transcript......................................................
5 comments:
OK, it has come to my attention that you may or may not reside in the same city, or one near me...if this is true (it may be completely false info given me) I would like to be involved in these said missions...you could call me the "PLOB"...Hehe.
Happy Easter!
K.
We are where the worlds longest skating rink is.....and we will be watching for you! We will not be defeated. [insert insain sinister laugh here.]
Village Gnome
we mean insane, not insain. the blasted bunny hit the keys. (I told you you spelt it wrong you flea ridden rag mop!)
Don't worry Perpetual! We will save you!
We, the members of F.A.R.T. (Federal Animal Rescue Team) demand that you Loonies cease and desist in your torturous usage, through secretarial slavery, of poor innocent bunnies. We also ask you to release Perpetual, who you have held unfairly without chocolate now for several days. Any further delay in her release will result in a pre-emptive strike by the forces of CRUMMI, the Canadian Renegades Under M&M's Influence. My name is Indigo Montoya. You stole my father. Prepare to die.
Post a Comment