Tuesday, 2 May 2006

To Pee or Not To Pee...That is the Question

I was innocently driving my bike with my backseat driver 4 of 4, trailing behind in the "chariot" bike trailor down a bike path through the neighbourhood that I am obsessively attracted to, next to my own. It has a great Starbucks and lots of quaint little shops with the feel of a little town all it's own in the middle of the city. The houses range from small cottage like dwellings to huge modern monstrosities peppered all throughout. I wasn't even LOOKING for trouble today!

"You're driving very bumpy mom!" says 4 of 4, not at all disappointed in the lack of appropriate shocks and sad state of affairs that the path is in.
I notice out of the corner of my eye, when passing a tree along the path, a huge set of gleaming black eyes attached to an itty bitty tiny wee black body lounging under a large pine. I hit the brakes. It's a baby squirrel.

"Look 4 of 4! A baby squirrel. (Not that I at all like squirrels or anything! Snicker.) All alone under a tree!" I tell the unimpressed child.
"ahhh! yes!" she replies in that voice that tells me she's humouring me, and lets get on with hitting those bumps! But I can't leave. I have to against the better judgement of my little inner voice, check this out.

I approach and it doesn't run away. I reach out tentatively, afraid of being bitten, and pet it's cutsey wootsy little baby squirrel head. It drags itself to a neighbouring pine. It's legs are not strong. It's a baby, but how old I don't know. I wrap it in Jessie's cozy "bubby" (blanket) and it starts to close it's eyes. It's exhausted!
"Oh no! Not my bubby mommy!" she whines.

After consulting with some passersby I decide to bring it with me. The poor wee thing has been there since at least yesterday, following people down the path looking for someone to ..... who knows what.

"Oh no!!! NOT MY DORA KNAPSACK!" she says in a frantic wail.
I explain I will remove the baby squirrel when I get home and her knapsack will be unharmed. She is suspicious, but begrudgingly agrees.

I stop at my neighbour, and dear friends house just across from my own, to show her my precious find, not having a clue what I will do with a baby squirrel during our coffee time which is fast approaching. Little did I know I came to the right person!

I'll skip the first part of the conversation and get right to the interesting part:

"What the heck to you mean I have to "pee the squirrel?" I ask. I couldn't have heard her right. She must have said something else. Why in the world would I ever want to pee on a squirrel?
"No, not pee on the squirrel....you need to PEE the squirrel."

I am confused. Now I will admit, it doesn't always take that much to confuse me, but she had me totally stumped.

"Baby squirrels aren't able to pee themselves, so their mothers lick them on their...ummm....you know....privates, to stimulate the release of their pee and stool." she says in a calm, hey this happens everyday, kind of voice.

I laugh nervously. "I think you should do that part! You sound like you know what you're talking about and I might just lick the wrong part!" I say wondering when she'll get to the punch line of this bad joke! I don't want the thing to die or anything, but that's asking a little much....even for a squirrel!

"No!!!! You need to use warm water and a cotton swab, or your finger to mimic the mom licking him."
"Phew!" I thought you were pulling some kind of sick joke on me or something!"

Thankfully, she contacted a person who just happend to be working from home and could rush right over to come and warm, feed and pee the squirrel! You can't even imagine how much relief I was feeling when I found out there was someone to take over this job!

After a quick look, it turns out it was dehydrated, in need of rehydration with a homemade concoction of the equivalent of squirrel pedialyte, and then formula, as well as a good peeing when all else was done. A little damage to the tip of it's tail was the only visable injury.

Although I was worried about harming it by bringing it home in a Dora knapsack on my bike....it turns out I made the right decision. It would have died otherwise for sure. At least now, God willing, it will have a chance to pull through.

One more squirrel may safely roam the earth to pick though the garbage and reek havoc in the neighbourhood....next to mine, if all goes well. I'm sure the people there all appreciate my contribution. Woo Hoo! I think....


Kurt said...

why did you pick up this squirrel again?

Deb said...

Awwwwwwwwwwwww! I would have done the same thing!

I laughed my butt off while reading the "pee the squirrel" part. I can just imagine the look on your face. LOL.

Wonderful post! I needed the giggle :)!

Kris said...

AWWWWWWW...you are a braver woman than I...I wouldn't have brought the poor thing home but would have worried about it for the next ten years. "Whatever happened to that squirrel?", I'd probably need therapy. Oh damn, I'd have to take the squirrel and pee it just to save my own sanity...LOL. (Actually I would raise it as my own and torment my local cult of the Black Squirrels...HEhe.) But at least now I know what to do.


Krista said...

So where is the squirrel?

Anonymous said...

very sweet. My mom has had a number of squirrels and chipmunks. One had a rather notorious demise, but I shall have to save that story for another day. :)