Friday Funnies on Saturday

I was quite annoyed to find out that the usual radio talk show that I listen to late week night evenings had been replaced by "The X Zone" while the regular host was vacationing.

Aliens, Big Foot, conspiracy theories and any other wackiness you can think of is the basis for this show. Well guess what was on the other night!
I was just about to turn off the radio when I heard a guest discussing forest gnomes. Apparently, he had seen them himself! A large adult female and younger child gnome frolicing along the edge of a wooded area. I have just one question.

WHAT THE HECK IS A FOREST GNOME!? And do they look like the one planted in the front garden of my home? Beware! Gnomes are everywhere!

Enough with the serious and on to the silly. This was e-mailed to me by a neighbour. Let's call her White Mocha after a favourite Starbucks treat.

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. ____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me! __________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are._______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." _________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand. ______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog. ___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.

Only three more weeks until school starts. This year I have to walk down the street to the "New and improved" bus stop. It should be interesting.