I'm not going to post the pictures from this weeks art class. I was starting a nasty bug and wasn't in top form to start. Yes, I'm one of those jackass' that goes out sick to spread the love. I wasn't going to be up close to anyone so I thought they'd all be safe. The second reason they didn't turn out I believe was that my brain was terribly confused. We all have bad art days, but with other external influences added on to a bad day things just tend to snowball.

Wednesday was "female shoulder girdle" class. We were to focus on that area of her body the most while creating the drawings. Her poses would accentuate this area of her body.

She walked in the room. Tall, over 6' I'd say. Extremely long and lank. She is a model as well as a nude model. A dancer and I believe possibly a contortionist. She did her stretching exercises prior to the class. For this she undressed the upper half of her body. I've never seen a model stretch before posing and I was impressed. This seemed like a sensible thing to do! She walked around with absolutely no shame whatsoever. Like a naked babe playing in the pool, she would go in front of the door, window without concern.

Her face was beautiful. Flowing burgundy hair, manicured nails, deep voice, small hips, small breasts.....you know where I'm going with this by now don't you. She completed the disrobing process and yes, she still had some male parts.

No matter how hard I tried the images were very masculine. I finally settled in the last drawing to something in between. Her limbs were so long and slim, with large hands and feet that it was hard not to capture her masculine features and accentuate them.

I brought the drawing home and asked each family member whether they thought it was a boy or girl. There were no breasts or genitals showing in the drawing. Two said girl and two said boy. 3 of 4 who is 9 years old said,
"I think that person is both."

There is the next artist in the family!

I've started hanging some of the exercises from my art class in the basement. I spend a half a day a week at the art school. (hey, shut up! I'm new at this.) We have a live model for each weekly class. I'm hoping they will inspire me to actually take some time to draw similar style drawings from a program I purchased which provides like models. (I refuse to use the correct name "n*de", as it seems to bring all sorts of crazies to the site. Okay, other than the regular crazies I mean.)

One of the models is shown in the accompanying book looks like a clone of one of my brothers-in-law. At least, as far as his less personal areas that I am familiar with. I don't know about the rest. No offense, but I don't want to see the rest and I think I may just skip that particular model.

Mr. P. asked me if they should be hanging where the kids can see them. Normally I'd say he was right, but with all of the art books around and me explaining about the beauty of the human body in art I'd be a hypocrite to hide them. I have however covered the models dangly bits to post here as to not offend any readers sensibilities. If I wanted to properly cover him I guess I should probably have used two sticky notes.

Freedom And All Her Perks

I've spent more time either skating or watching skating of late than I have in many years. By watching skating I mean I attend the skating events held at the rink across the street from the kids school. They require a certain number of parents to tie skates and stand around looking like they actually are concerned for the kids welfare and are therefore keeping track of them. They do this once a week, which translates into 3/4 of the day for me since I have 3 at that school.

I had to laugh last week when young Freedom was being reprimanded by the teacher for knocking down another student. She just shrugged her shoulders and skated on. Now names have been becoming very unusual in the last few years and I kind of thought that Freedom was an odd name to choose for a child. Kind of Hollywood, like choosing Apple, or Moon Unit or other such bizzare choices. As it turns out, Freedom was a pretty good fit for this kid.

The next pass around the rink Freedom skated like a roller derby queen at break neck speed and took down a fellow student yet again. The perplexed teacher pulled her aside again and asked why she was being so inconsiderate of other skaters. Freedom simply replied,
"That's how I stop. I don't know how to stop any other way."
"But you'll hurt the other children. You have to slow down and learn how to stop without using them as a cushion." the teacher instructed.

Now, I didn't actually see what happened next, but a small group had gathered around a hurt child sitting wailing on the ice with a guilty looking Freedom standing at her side telling the teacher,
"I didn't do it!"

I guess with a name like Freedom, you are free to do pretty much anything you want.

Hooker's Beavertails

We managed to get out and skate on the canal again for Winterlude. Of course, when you have children the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is a Beavertail at the end of the skate, with hot chocolate of course. Even Ms. Vicki managed to get something out of it. We picked her up a pin since she couldn't make it.

President Obama caused quite a stir when he insisted on shopping on the By-ward market when he was in town last week. He also requested a Beavertail and got an Obamatail. I don't imagine he actually ate it. He doesn't look like a fried pastry kind of guy. He doesn't know what he's missing. They taste best when served right away. Now that I'm not so young, I also don't need to eat them anymore but can enjoy them vicariously through my kids. They don't get the Obamatails though. Just sugar and cinnamon. Somehow whipped cream just seems so wrong.

This Means War

"Does your daughter have a high sugar diet?" he firmly asks.
"No!" I answer in kind
"Does she drink juice?" he queries.
"Yes, but only at breakfast and then she brushes her teeth right after." I say with a sigh.
"Does she eat bread?" He shoots back.
I just stand there with my mouth agape and reply, "uh, YA! She eats sandwiches for lunch at school."
"Well you know, bread is carbohydrate which causes tooth decay!" the dentist reminds me.

"And your eyeglasses are weakening your sight with each passing year so you may eventually be blind, so maybe you should stop looking at things." Okay, I didn't actually say that but.... MORON! Beets, corn, carrots, fruit....what, should we give those up too? How about spinach!!!? Maybe a piece will get stuck in her teeth and sit a little too long and cause some bacteria to built weakening the enamel. Maybe she should stop eating those too! Maybe we should all stop eating everything except cheese and sugarless gum. Then we can all go around with with a beautiful smile and chronic constipation! IDIOT! High fibre bread may be a carb, but it's also a, HELLO, part of a healthy food group.

I can't believe these people. I shouldn't have gone back. I did the responsible thing and went to have a cavity filled. I put up with the morons lecture. I even made up with the insulting hygienist. I bit my tongue and went to take a seat in the waiting room as he filled her tooth. I wasn't prepared for what came next!

"......he was 9 years old. It was unbelievable! If I was her I would be HIGHLY ashamed of the state of his teeth!" said a different hygienist from one of their other offices quite loudly.

What happened next was great. Apparently the wrath they suffered from me after my last visit was still sitting uncomfortably with them. The two receptionists froze and visibly stiffened. Next all I could hear were whispers. Lots and lots of whispering. The visiting hygienist left, but not before sending me a look laden with daggers as she passed by. I gave back what she dished out.

"......well, Mr. Monster tongue needs to come back for another appointment......" the dentist joked with the staff. Unfortunately Mr. Monster tongue had just left and wasn't there to hear his new pet name.

I was cordial with the receptionist. She had been the one to deal with my complaint after the last visit. She had not actually been there the day I had the rant, but called me the next to get my affairs in order. I told her then I would be looking for a new dental office. I made the mistake of going back because the work needed to be done before the end of the month. I think now I'll need to fire off a letter to the owner of the office. He doesn't actually work there and probably doesn't care, but just in case he does.

I understand that workplace conversations happen, but one should always be aware of how you act in front of customers. You are representing the business and breaching confidentiality isn't a good way to keep customers.

I'm sure they had a fine laugh after my rant the other day.

I Apologize Profusely .....

.....but I just have to rant or I'm going to have a stroke or something.

Today was the glorious day that I had to bring 2 and 4 of 4 for their semi-annual dental check-up. It was also a new hygienist. This office changes staff like some people change underwear so I wasn't overly surprised to see someone new.

After 4 of 4's cleaning I was called before the dental hygienist. She has always had perfect teeth up until now. The conversation went something like this:

"Ms. Chocoholic, I did the cleaning and found there may be "cavities" in your daughters mouth." she pretty much whispered this.

"Uh Huh...." I replied suspiciously.

"I also found lots of plaque and some ..... [gasp] tartar!!!!" she said wide eyed.

"Okay....." I again replied

"She is going to need to start flossing!!! You know, floss. Do you know how to use floss Ms. Chocoholic?" she asked in her most serious condescending voice. "....and she should be using a toothbrush for kids. One with a smaller head, not an adult one! .....and you're going to have to brush them for her."

"I'm 43 friggin' years old. Do you think I've been living on the blasted moon?! Do I look like I've just arrived from a flippin' third world country? Maybe I just fell off the turnip truck!!!! D'uh...what's floss? Do you use it to get the toe jam out from between your toes?! They make toothbrushes for kids? Reallllly? I thought you didn't have to clean your teeth until you hit 40. MORON! I THINK I DAMN WELL KNOW WHAT DENTAL FLOSS IS AND I EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE IT. And we actually have childrens floss and brushes and rubber tip stimulators and sulca brushes, not to mention the blue dye that shows them any spots they've missed so they can brush again. One of the kids actually has an electric toothbrush that sings a Hannah Montana song for two LLLLLLONG minutes each time she brushes her teeth!!!? And since I'm supposed to brush her teeth, ya want I should wipe her little bottom too when she goes for a poopie?" Okay, I didn't acutally say this but ruminated all the way home. I meekly replied,

"Yes, we even have the special little flossing sticks for the kids and each child does have a child's toothbrush not an adult one." I said as I turned and left the room.

Then 2 of 4 went in. I braced myself. Out of all four of our kids she is the only one who has had cavities. Or at least was. We have a horrible time cleaning her teeth for some reason, but do just the same.

At then end of her appointment I heard her tell the receptionist we'd be setting up their next appointments earlier than previously scheduled once she talked to "the mother."

"Ms. Chocoholic, 2 of 4 has terrible plaque deposits on her teeth." she says in her sternest, you suck at parenting voice.

"It's an ongoing issue, but she does brush and I help her occasionally to cull the problem, but I don't expect that will change. No matter what we do there are always issues." I'm biting my tongue. I am behaving.

"Well, maybe you could start brushing her teeth for her, at least once a week." she glared while she said this.

"I do help her scrape off plaque, but the crazy stuff just keeps acomin' back!" I tried to stay calm as I replied.

"Well I have an 11 year old and I even still brush their teeth! We have lots of other kids in here who have perfect teeth and have no plaque whatsoever....." she says turning away as to not meet my eye. She must have seen the spark ignite and decided she wanted to see the fireworks, just not be blinded by them!

"I am not brushing my 11 year olds teeth. I will help her, but I WILL NOT BRUSH HER TEETH! She can brush them herself with my occasional assistance or she can GET FRIGGING DENTURES WHEN THEY ALL FALL OUT!!! WHATEVER!!!!" I did say this just before I stomped away.

Our last dentist was extremely pleased with my children's dental hygeine. He had said that they'd have their teeth forever, except that 2 of 4 did have softer teeth. Sadly he couldn't continue on as their dentist.

I was already looking at changing their dentist. Mr. P. thought they seemed to always be looking for something to fill, or do beyond the normal. Their offices always seem quiet and it makes me wonder if they are lacking in a customer base and therefore going that extra mile to make money.

Sadly, I'm sure that she is a wonderful hygienist and seems very nice. I don't like being treated like I'm an imbicile and if I wanted a lecture I'd just call my mother (Just joking MOM!)

If you read through this thinking it was the next step in the coloured pencil painting, well, I'll try to get to that in the next couple of days.

Ms. Vicki

Well Hello again Darlings!

We've made it back safely although not quite uneventfully. Here I am at the beach. Were you to see a current photo of me you would note that I adorn not the expected one pin, but two!

We had almost landed on the runway when at the very last minute the pilot pulled up quite sharply and whisked us off to another city. Apparently the runway was not at all safe to land on with an unexpected snow storm that made a slippery mess of the runway. We were halfway to Toronto before we even knew what was going on. Oh well, we managed to catch the next flight home and I am even further decorated than was planned.

Until next time,

Ms. Vicki Stripes
Hugs & Kisses
xoxoxoxo

Day 7 - Sit! Good Hippo.

Yet another ham at Busch Gardens. This hippo loved the attention and stayed glued to the glass when we were mulling around the area.

Last day in Florida we decided to spend at Busch in the overcast but warm weather. There were about 5 other people in the park aside from the staff. Once the rain came there was no one left but us. There were no line-ups for rides even before the rain came later this afternoon and they'd start up rides for us. What a way to enjoy the park!

Please don't make me go home to the snow!

Day 6 - Yes, We Are Canadian!

In my defense, it made it up to 81 F today. This evening the kids wanted to swim and although we discouraged them due to the temperature of the pool, they thought it was okay. We had after all been swimming in the ocean just today. We passed by a gentleman on the way to the pool when he shook his head and laughed saying,

"Y'all must be Canadians!"

I have to say that even though it was 81 degrees, the Floridians were still dressed in pants and sweaters. I just would love to see them in the 30 cm of snow we supposedly had gotten in the city I previously lived in, today.

Day 5 - See World

As I suspected....feeding these fellows by hand annoys the heck out of the other tourists, but they (the birds) weren't complaining.


This photo was taken at the dolphin nursery tank. The mother dolphins in the tank apparently teach the babies how to perform for the crowd. Amazingly this seems to be true. As soon as the people come around they start to jump and pop out of the water. Dolphins are such hams!


2 of 4 loves manitees. It's incredible how blue they look under water.

Day 6 - You Know How You Feel When ....

You know how you feel when you go to the beach at Clearwater and find a tresure trove of incredible shells and then decide that if theres good ones here there must be great ones just in the shallow surf and so you cautiously make your way out into the surf as to not make yourself wet and find you need to roll your shorts up a bit so they don't get splashed on and you see that perfect shell like the kind they sell in the store so you go out to pick it up and a wave comes and wets the bottom of your pants so you jump back but it's too late and you get a bit wet and have missed your shell so you try again and the next time you reach down to pick it up a hugenormous wave sweeps over your entire being and you get a mouthfull of sea water as well as completely and absolutely wet from the top of your head to your salty feet so you think what the heck and wade around in the water in ....HELLO! January.....and find more albiet less incredible shells that will fill a grocery bag along with sponges and silver dollars when suddenly it's time to go and you get in the car and drive home wet because you weren't actually planning to get wet so you didn't bring your bathing suit and you make the car smell like dead fish because you do and then you get home into the shower but can't seem to get the feeling of the salt water off your skin or hair? YUCK! But a whole heck of a lot of fun. That was me this morning.
P.S. Thank you to Mr. P. for taking so many lovely pictures of my large bent over A**. Very nice.

Day 4 - I've Lost My Passport - AM

It's 71 degrees right now. My skin is starting to change colour matching me to the natives a bit more closely than last week. I can see by the current temperature in the city where I have previously (up until last week) lived that it is -20 celcius. I don't know what that is in fahrenheit and I don't care!

I seem to have lost my passport, too bad....so sad. I'm all broken up about it. (snicker) Okay, maybe I haven't actually lost it permanently. I'm sure it will turn up by April when it starts to get uncomforably hot here. Maybe May when the weather gets nice again back home. I sure hope that White Mocha is enjoying Mr. Hunter's company! He may be there for a few more weeks, months or possibly longer.

Day 3 - No More Free Beer Ever Again

After today Busch Gardens will no longer supply the two free beer to all of it's visitors. (Age allowing.) They have been taken over and may not even offer beer at a cost. Not that I care. Since this was the last day ever, I decided to have one. I have to say though....I hate beer. I actually don't drink anything alcoholic, but decided to partake this one time to celebrate their last day offering this putrid beverage. It was as horrible as usual and I unfortunately chose the most disgusting type on the list. I was very thankful that I didn't go on this ride with the rest of the group after having said beer. Even though I only drank about a quarter of the glass I'm sure it would have come back to haunt me if I had. After all....you wouldn't shake a beer bottle and expect the beverage to stay inside.

I think I may have found my next subject for a painting. This fellow was also quite a poser once he warmed up to me.

The only problem with allowing Lorry birds to land on you is what goes in must come out. Unfortunately for 3 of 4 it came out all over her shirt. Apparently 1 of 4 tastes as good as the nectar drink because the bird spent as much time licking her as it did the sweet fluid.

The first time I saw one of these birds this week I got terribly excited and thought I had found something special. It's about as special as pigeons or seagulls hanging around our local fast food joint. They are everywhere and not a bit afraid of people. The crazy things pose for you!

Day 2 - Blood Pressure, Beach and BBQ

Last evening we ended the day with a shuffle through the neighbourhood. I'm not used to moving that slowly usually, but I didn't want to stand out by walking too fast. We were already an odditiy having left the condo without either a cane or walker.

We got up this morning and all took turns taking out blood pressure. (I kid you not!) Mine was 99/64. If it goes any lower I fear I may slip into a coma. Luckily I was able to raise it slightly with the approach of an extremely rude man in the grocery store who told me to go read in the library when I was browsing through the magazines in the magazine aisle. Apparently I was in his way and that was a more appropriate way to ask me to move than using the word please. I wished him a happy morning because I had a non-fat, no whip, extra hot Starbucks coffee in my hand that I was enjoying more than I had enjoyed a coffee in a very long time. He's lucky! Had I not yet had my coffee the outcome may have been totally different!

We went to the sponge docks and then to Sunset beach. I don't expect there is a theme park out there that can compete with the beach, in my books anyways! We chased hermit crabs, regular crabs, watched minnows of some sort darting along the shore. We picked up small shells and rocks.

The birds tried to steal the kids socks that were tucked in their shoes on the shore. I'm not sure what the draw was, but apparently they were interesting but not worth actually flying away with. I think I read somewhere that birds couldn't smell very well. That's the only way other than the birds being mentally challenged that they would consider stealing someones stinky socks.

The water was warm along the shore. Even the Floridians had left their neck warmers at home. I was suprised by the lack of people that were around everywhere I went. It was such a quiet day.

We were invited to a BBQ for supper at the home of a family friend. It was a lovely day.

Day One - All Sun, No Fun

Thank God! We arrived safely but unfortunately the kids are still suffering from the same disorder here that they do at home. Fighting.

You'd think that the thrill of air travel for first time would over ride their instinctual drive to quarrel, but apparently not. They fought over,seats, glances, food,places in line-ups and everything else they could find. The one exception was 4 of 4. She was easy to get along with. Well, she was until she decided she was ready to dissembark the plane.....a half hour before it landed. I can't blame her though. I was ready to get off before the plane even left the airport.

When we got to the car rental joint I had to laugh. The fellow behind the counter.....the INDOOR counter was wearing a coat and neck warmer over his suit. Apparently 65 degrees is frigid and requires winter attire. You can tell who's a native Floridian and who's a Northerner. We were all in t-shirts complaining of the brightness of the sun and they are tanned and bundled up like mummies.

Perp's Mom: "That's an ugly sweater! I'm going to buy you a new one."
Me: "No. I like this sweater. It looks nice and it's my absolute favourite in the whole wide world."
Perp's Mom: "I don't care. I hate that sweater. You're getting a new one!"
Me: "This is a nice, respectable sweater. It is warm, soft and I love this sweater!! I don't want one like you have on. It's ugly!"
Perp's Mom: "I won't buy you one like mine, buy I am getting you one."
Me: "Why would you buy something I don't want and have no intention of wearing?!"
Perp''s Mom: "I'm still getting you one."
Me: "I WON'T WEAR IT! DON'T BUY ME CLOTHES. I DON'T WANT YOU TO BUY ME CLOTHES. WHEN YOU BUY ME CLOTHES I NEVER WEAR THEM!!!"
Perp's Mom: "I'm buying you a sweater. One that looks better than that old thing!"

Oh crap! What are we doing? I'm going to spend a week with my parents.

One more sleep until we travel. Since we've decided we don't like the mouse, why go to Florida at all! We're going to stay in the Famous American City that I believe is headquarters for OPE. Since Kurt so graciously denied our request to stay at his house invited, we'll just show up. If I'm right about the city, then I'm sure someone there can tell me where he lives. We'll just ask around on the street. If they don't know him then someone will at least know Todd. I'll print their pictures off of the OPE blog. It's all good, good! See you tomorrow Kurt. We'll be there for supper, so plan something elaborate. Your paying.

I had a Great-Aunt and Great-Uncle that were good at "just showing up!" They would sometimes call, or drop by. More often than not their mail would start to arrive before they would. That's how you knew to expect them. They'd stay for a short visit. You know.....3 to 6 months before the relative they were staying with could take no more and would kick them out. They'd have their mail forwarded to the next hosts house and move along. Saves on rent!

I packed up the dog bed and Mr. Hunter's favorite stuffed toy and brought it to White Mocha's house. Mr. Hunter did not look pleased. In fact, he looked down right panicked! He did not quite understand why he had to leave his ducky there. I know he will be excited when she comes to release him from his prison tomorrow. Especially because she plies him with treats! I don't expect he'll miss us much with the exception of at bedtime. She is under the impression that he won't try to sleep in her bed because of it's exaggerated height. LOL! That's funny! Opps! Hope she doesn't read this until after we're gone.

I want to thank White-Mocha for also caring for the rats, fish and mail. Bus driver Dave down the street will care for our snow accumulation (or hopefully lack there of!) It's kind of funny when you think about it. Someone having to come into our house to feed vermin. In some places they trap them but here we pamper them.

Only two more sleeps until I get to be enveloped in warmth and sunshine! Even if it lands up being cool and rainy their cool is still warmer and their rain is still sunnier than here! I've had enough of -20 to -40!

I have such smart kids. We had a family discussion and decided we collectively hate the famous place that the mouse lives and don't want to go there! Yipppeeeee! Thank God that they aren't falling into that commercial trap!

We went to purchase our American dollars. Ouch! The Canadian one took a dive again this morning. Why couldn't it have stayed at par until after our vacation?!!!!

I hate flying, say a prayer for us! Hopefully we will remain bird free for our flight.

Step 2 - Create Your Map and Base Drawing

Map Drawing

Now that you have your most beautiful drawing, time to turn it into a map.

Take the drawing you did, (it matters not how you got it on to the paper originally, just remember to fix the distortions that may have occurred prior to step 2!) and transfer your drawing onto a piece of tracing paper in pencil (remember, high quality) and then create the outline on the tracing paper with the black marker. By not using the marker on your actual original sketch, you will save it in case you are not happy with the tracing and can use the original to create a new tracing.

As you can see, the actual outlined copy on tracing paper is not pristine. It's all crumpled and I actually accidentally ripped it. Just make sure that you keep your original in good shape in case you require it again.

You may have noticed that I have circles and lines in odd places. This is how I mark where I want a highlight to appear, or where shading may begin. These are all just place markers. It helps to identify approximately where I want things to appear on the work.

This is a good time to talk about paper.

If you choose a light coloured paper: (Not recommended for this picture)

For this step you will be transferring the outline you have created (what I called map) to a fabulously magnificent quality of paper. Most coloured pencil artists I know use "Stonehenge" more than any other types.

Another fair paper is "Bristol", Vellum (not smooth!)

If you purchase Stonehenge it will come in a large individual sheet. Just cut it to the correct size you want and save the rest for your next masterpiece.

Stonehenge comes in various shades. Pick the whitest. Bristol comes in pads. Stonehenge has more "tooth" to the paper and will hold more colour. Very sturdy!

Now you need a light box if you are working on white paper. You can use a window, or lightbox.

Place your "map" copy under the quality paper and VERY lightly outline the map on to your good paper. Every line you put on your good paper will eventually be erased as you replace it with colour. You don't want to score the page with the pencil line either. It will show if you do when you put the colour down.

Congratulations! You have now completed Step 2.

If you are smart and choose a black paper:

Okay. Here's the monkey wrench! I'm going to use black paper. That way I will save on pencil by not having to thickly lay on black since I'm working on a work that is primarily black. For this you will need a piece of white transfer paper. This is the equivalent of carbon paper, only in a white chalky substance. You can also make your own by saturating a piece of paper with white chalk or purchase it a Wallacks for a rather exorbitant price.

Take your "map" drawing and place it on top of the white chalk transfer paper and place them on top of the Stonehenge black paper.

Now use a coloured pencil to gently outline the "map" drawing so that the white chalk will transfer the the good quality black paper. It's important to use a different colour than black pencil when tracing over the lines on your map so that you will know which ones you've already traced over.

Once it's done you should have a white outline of your "map" drawing on the black paper. Before actually colouring with your coloured pencils, you will erase the white chalk marks with a kneaded eraser. But that's all part of the next step!

See you in a couple of weeks (God willing!) for Step 3.

Raspberries to Arrogant People

I'm in pain. A great deal of mental pain right now. I have an addiction and I'm going through withdrawl!

I listened to the news tonight. Just a few minutes. A smidgen really. Not long. Just long enough to get angry. I want to vent so badly! I'm not going to vent. Nope. Not even a bit. No. NOOOO! Okay. Maybe just a little.

I'm not going to vent about the government, transit strike, Canadian dollar....or lack of value as the case may be. I'm just going to say I have a problem liking arrogant people. You know the ones. Confident, pleasant and find a way to tell you what they really think of you without you actually realizing that they've put you down until you walk away and think about it. Sometimes they do this with words and sometimes with their actions. I got both. If I were to tell you the situation you may say I was just being "sensitive." I don't think so though. To the person who has annoyed me....thppppttt! I send you a big ole' raspberry! If you are reading this wondering if you are this person. If you find you are even a little bit concerned that you may be this person....then you're not. This person doesn't really care because they are too important to have to care. The nice thing about being me is I don't ever have to see this person again if I don't want to. And guess what. I don't!

Phew! I feel better.

-40 is -40

.....to clarify:

the celsius and fahrenheit scale converge at minus 40. So -40 Celsius is -40 Fahrenheit. -20 celsius is -4 fahrenheit.

Hey, the beers finally cold, eh! (Canadian)
Damn Canadian cold fronts, huh! (American)

It's been between -20 and -40c here. Since I couldn't spray my toad painting outside I had to use our furnace room to do it. I opened the window for ventilation and got to work. It wasn't too bad at first, but after a while the flying snakes started to swarm around making it difficult to spray the painting without spraying them. Eventually it got done.

I started another portrait, or two, or three after a I took a couple of Advil. I had a headache for some strange reason. I'm having a hard time settling down to work at something new. I haven't found that perfect picture that I have a great drive to create. Well, actually I do have one, but not something I can post the progress of as with many of the portraits of other peoples kids that I do. Flowers are beautiful but just don't grab my interest right now. You'd think I'd learn theres a down to every up after the completion of a work.

I brought it to the framer. I don't have the same sense of satisfaction I often feel. I guess I need to get something back framed to feel the excitement about the next one. I'm still awaiting the return of the previous one as well.

I'm partially completed step 2 of the next part of my coloured pencil demonstration for this blog. I'll try to post it later today.

All Done?

All Done! No wait....I think....what if I just tweaked the colours in the toad a bit and maybe the finger tips. Huh. No, I'm done.....I think......No! Yes! I'm definitely done....maybe.

Now on to self-doubt, loathing, head banging, acceptance, self-loathing again then frame it. I know, I know....we're all the same.

For those of you who are saying to me and yourself, "but I can't draw, whimper, whimper, whine!" Yes you can!

There are many ways to get your subject down on paper. Here are some of the ways:

1.) You can trace it. Usually you will want to actually work from a photo and not the live model as I have pictured here. The photo usually doesn't try to eat your work as it progresses. If you are going to do a direct tracing you should work from at least an 8x10 enlargement of your subject. Otherwise you will have a problem getting those wee itty bitty details I love so much as that make a painting photo-realistic.

If tracing is your method then go to your local art store and purchase a good quality tracing paper. The cheaper stuff is more opaque. You can use a light box or bright window to place your photo on to make it easier to trace.

2.) You can use a grid. This is a whole other method that is excellent, but time consuming to describe. If you are interested in this method leave me a comment and I'll explain about creating your grid and how to size the photo to the paper correctly and how to transfer the image. It's actually drawing using lines on your photo and drawing paper as guides. Similarly you can use a "picture plane."

3.) Even the masters used methods of projecting images onto canvasses. You can too by using an opaque projector or slides. If you use this method be aware that distortion is a real problem. You may have a lot of fixin' to do!

4.) My suggestion is just to draw the blasted thing! I concur with my various art instructors in that you must actually draw the image to bring life to it. My coloured pencil instructor would insist upon the long painful drawn out method of drawing the line drawing from scratch in front of her so there was no cheating! It generally took me longer to do a sketch than everyone else, but my paintings usually had more detail than everyone elses. So simple drawing or more complex, drawing it yourself is definately the best method out there!

You can draw from a live model or from a photograph. In coloured pencil work a photo is a wise choice! You will be looking at it for many hours and in much detail. It's hard to do this from a live model. You will continue to use the photo for a reference during the rendering process to assist you in matching colours, lighting, etc. Live models generally don't do well sitting still for 40 to 100 hours and would probably expect something silly like being paid for their work.

If you do work from a photo having a digital photo is better so you can make any small adjustments you may want. They also can be enlarged to larger sizes without loosing quality. You should work from at least an 8x10. You can work from smaller photos, but try not to choose one with a lot of detail if that is the case!

If you do use one of the other above methods you will need to fix any distortion that will occur in transferring the image. You would be surprised at how much distortion there is in your average photograph! You also won't improve your drawing skills if you trace everything! In my case the nude models tend to get a bit miffed If I get to close to their dangly bits with a sharp pencil in an attempt to trace them!

Which ever method you use, you need to get a basic line drawing down on a cheap piece of paper.

Whichever way you choose to get your picture down on paper, make sure you don't hold your pencil as you do when you are writing. This is something that I have not only read or had artists tell me, but have been taught at art school. Find a different way to hold your pencil so your left brain becomes confused and gives way to your right brain...the more creative side.

Once you are happy with the picture you have, it's time to put it on your good paper. We'll save that for the next time. I have some catching up to do before that step.

Having been told that if you use grey in your work it will muddy it up and make it look dirty, you think I'd keep that in mind. Noooo! I know better and had to try it anyhow. On the plus side, a kid holding a toad with dirty nails also did in fact have dirty hands from spending much of the previous couple of hours "frogging", so it's all good, good!

Hello Darlings,

Well Perp has finally decided it's a go! I get to enjoy the sumptuous sun and heat with the family! I may actually get to tour more extensively this time too! No more being stuck in the suitcase for me.

Visiting the temples in Korea were nice, but a beach is a little more suited to my taste.

See you when I get back!

Hugs and Kisses,

Vicki Stripes
xoxoxo

Rant

Oh.....there are some naughty people out there asking me to blog about certain happenings that they think are rant worthy! I've asked these individuals to please start their own blog so that they can be the angry ranting ones!

If you have a beef to pick with your government at any level, gas companies, drivers, manufacturers or other companies of any sort start up your own blog! I'm in my happy place and intend to stay there for the time being.

Only a couple of weeks until I go to soak in the sun! Ahhhhh! Kurt mentioned that Florida was a pit. Having been to Florida before, I have to agree, but with theme parks on the scarce side in Canada and when traveling with 4 children, Florida will do nicely. Especially when going to stay with relatives. On the other hand....were you to offer.... we'd gladly come and inhabit your lovely abode, albeit not as warm as Florida (if my guess as to where you live is correct), a vacation just the same. Are you offering?

Adventurer, I thank you for your offer of studio space. You have excellent lighting and a household and family atmosphere that I am absolutely addicted to! I will take you up on your offer, but only if you will include your photographic talents and you will let me paint one of two photos of CU2 you have shown me in the past. I would love to sit down and work on one while CU2 is there.

If you are waiting for the coloured pencil session to start, I'm getting to it. I have no excuse other than life, kids and the skating season has opened on the canal.

Peek-A-Boo

This is the painting I started before the Christmas break. Back at it. It's actually not too bad here, but if you are up close to the actual drawing you would notice that the dark area is cloudy and waxy looking. Wax bloom has set in after sitting for so long without being worked on. The two colours I have used to make the black are put on quite heavy, which also causes wax bloom. Wax bloom happens when wax based coloured pencils such as Prismacolor are used. The wax works it's way to the top of the painting while the pigment settles underneath. It can be fixed with a workable fixitive or burnished off with a cloth. The hand is better since there are wax, oil and clay based pencils used. No wax to bloom.

Want to learn to do a coloured pencil painting? Starting tomorrow I'll go through the process with you. All you need for the first step is an ordinary pencil, eraser and blank sheet of ordinary paper. Gather up your supplies and join me. Easy-schmeasy!

P.S. My left brain is constantly in a battle with my right. I find it hard to really settle down to work in my studio space. Can you say "cabin fever!" Anyone have a spot for me to draw? Table will do. I'm begging you now! Save me from my house!!!!!

Politically Correct

Anyone who reads this blog may notice that I've added "Feedjit" to my sidebar. I was curious about the number of readers and who they were. I have to say I thought there were maybe a very small number of people who actually checked out what was happening in my world. After all, what is family for;-) I was shocked to see the map start to light up in places like Scotland, Asia, Australia and multiple sites in the U.S. and across Canada. (I noticed that the Canadian map is suspiciously devoid of visitors from the middle provinces. I don't think anyone between Alberta and Ontario owns a computer.) Since there seem to be people who have happened upon my blog either accidentally or on purpose, (poor souls) I have a bit of a dilemma.

My daughter, Two of Four, asked me for two of my business cards this evening. Apparently she wanted to supply her teachers with my web site which happens to also have a link to my blog. Uh oh!!!!!!! Not only do I have to worry about offending persons from other countries, but now I may have to worry about persons who grade the work of my children! I'm going to have to improve my spelling and grammar! I hate that!!! It made me reflect upon past posts and think....is there anything there that I wouldn't want my Grandmother to read. That's usually a good indicator of readability. Wait, no, maybe not MY Grandmother, but a normal prim and proper Grandmother. Not a rockin', leather wearing 96 year old French Canadian babe grandmother.

I think I'm okay. At least for the last month. (I make no promises for posts before those!) It has made me realize though, that it may be time to tow the Canadian line and become more politically correct. So my goal for the new year is to be (and this is definitely NOT a New Years resolution):

a) Upbeat, positive and happy
b) More politically correct (actually, politically correct for the first time ever!)
c) Not use foul language, talk about unmentionables such as undergarments, and write of interesting body parts with their correct names.

That being said, I will start directly after the following post.

I was in the car sitting beside my Grandmother after having just visited the Hershey chocolate factory is Smiths Falls. (Curse that blasted company to H.E. double hockey sticks, now that they have closed and laid off an entire town's worth of workers!) Anyhow, this was when we still liked them before the closing of the plant and would still eat their chocolate. We were there pretty much every weekend, being a chocoholic and all. It was oh so close to our cottage how could I not?

Well I had a hankerin' for some chocolate (imagine that!) and I was thinking about Recess pieces and chocolate covered peanuts at the same time. Unfortunately! I turned to my Grandmother and asked her to pass me the Recess Penises. (I'm not sure what the plural of penis is or how it is spelled. Sorry!)

The car went silent. Then my Grandmother burst out in uproarious laughter. I turned beat red and sunk into my seat. Back a few years ago, I didn't see my Grandmother as anything but prim and proper and I was horrified that I had used the "P" word in front of her! That would surely be the end of it right? Nooooo!

Well Grandma went home and just about ran up to my step-Grandfather and blurted out my verbal blunder increasing my humiliation ten fold. He was a relatively new addition to the family having just become her husband at the tender age of 76ish. It didn't stop there. For many a years to come I had to hear about how I was going to the Hershey factory for Recess penises. I don't even like the blasted things. I'd rather just have nuts. Chocolate covered peanuts I mean.

Oh ya. One last thing. Big family vacation to Florida. Haven't decided if Vicki Stripes my traveling underwear will be coming or not. We'll see.

I will now start to be more politically correct, non-vulgar, and proper, blah, blah, blah.

FIN

Made In China

I hate shopping. Well, let me qualify that. I hate shopping for anything other than what can be found in a book store, art supply store or stationary shop. Mr. P. has been kind enough to take the girls to the mall to do their shopping in the past. He doesn't like shopping either but is a great dad. When I mentioned this to him, "do you know....I really hate shopping" he laughed and said he could tell by the fact that my 15 year old sweatpants are being held at the waist by elastic bands. (I only wear them at home after all and they are my favourite!)

We all went to the mall together because the girls just had to get something with their Christmas money from their various relatives or they were going to burst. My little Diva's like to shop for clothes and jewelry. I just don't get it, but oh well.

We were walking in a long skinny store which was sporting cheap jewelry, hair paraphernalia, stuffed toys etc. I was checking out the front of the store when I could hear a loud, but high little six year old voice from the back of the store say in disgust,

"Oh my goodness! Junk. All junk from China. Look at this, China, China, China. What crap! Even the stuffed animals are from China! It's all junk." she went on this way in a good rant from the very back of the store to the very front where I was standing and back again.

I have to say I was amused and not embarrassed. The older I get the more it takes to embarrass me.

In the past she's watched the news about recalled toys, jewelry and foods manufactured in China. Shes had her own culled due to potential dangers. She's also listened to adult conversations about these subjects. It's just funny to see a little version of me (she is the only one that looks like a clone of me too) ranting about something just like the big version does on the blog.

Oh ya, and she put her French teacher on notice before Christmas that she wouldn't eat any of the candy canes the teacher was handing out as rewards because they were full of hydrogenated oils (trans fats) and they were just junk. The teacher (a mighty large one) told her that a little candy now and then is good for you. Four of Four then lectured her on the evils of trans fats. When the teacher didn't want to listen and walked away from Four, she told me, she followed her and told her again all about what was wrong with those particular candies. Four only eats natural organic candy canes without trans fat! Doesn't that teacher read labels! (snicker!) I think we've created a monster!

Sorry, No Rant Today!

It was a close one. I had the radio on my favourite talk radio station while doing kitchen chores. I hate cooking so being in the kitchen is never a happy time for me anyways. I was listening to a continuous string of callers complaining about the public transit strike and how we should get rid of the whole publicly owned company and start again, or have the federal government step in and legislate a vote. It said that the union leader won't let the members vote since they will probably vote to go back. The old boys club will no longer control the system. I didn't get worked up. I didn't get angry. I was still feeling positive. Maybe I can go back to listening to the radio again and still stay positive! Then a commercial came on.

".....tune in on New Years Eve and New Years Day for our round table discussions on the newsmakers of 2008!" the announcer stated excitedly.

"....the resignation of Stephane Dion, the transit strike, city taxes......" blah, blah, blah.

I felt a twinge. Okay, if I'm to be honest as well as positive then....it was much more than a twinge. I started to feel a good and proper blood boil simmering. I could read the signs. My body was preparing for the inevitable anger that was to ensue. I reached over and quickly turned off the blasted thing. There. Still happy.

Someone the other day had told me that my mother of all rants had fuelled her mirth. It actually inspired her to look into the political situation since she wasn't a regular follower. I'm glad she had chosen to do this as I think we really need to keep an eye on those slimy political creatures or who knows where the country will end up. I'm also glad that she found the rant amusing. If you can't go to a blog and be amused or entertained then it really doesn't have a point. But for the sake of my happiness and sanity I'm not quite ready to get that mad again. I think I want to be ignorant of our political situation for a while. There isn't one party, including the current leaders, that I want to see running the land. I want to stay oblivious for a time. I want to stay happy.

The Day After

Well, it was a lovely Christmas season. In keeping with my new upbeat live style I'll tell you all of the things that made it so wonderful.

There was a time when I "loved" to fuss over detail. Now I satisfy that compulsion through working the fine details in my art. The Christmas tree had to be just so or it wasn't right. The gifts would have to be decked out in bows and ribbons with tags with names attached written in a fancy script. Christmas morning I'd be showered, brushed, made up and decked out before the gifts were opened since I knew it was being video taped. I'd feel bad about going to dinner somewhere and not provide something for the host. I'd pitch in and help to either prepare or clean up afterwords. Well, not so much now.

The kids let us sleep 'till 7:30 am. That's not normal I realize, but I didn't wake them to complain. After a long day of lazy, we headed out to my brother and sister-in-law's for dinner. My parents and Grandmother were also there. We arrived at 5pm sharp and went right to the dinner table. Talk about timing! I brought a squash. It had a face drawn on it from Halloween. I felt a bit funny about bringing a used squash for dinner, but it wasn't like they were going to eat the face. Since dinner was being served it was too late to cook it. Darn.

I was seated beside my almost 96 year old Grandmother, Rita. Yes, if you've read my blog in the past, she is the one who wears leather, rocks to Billy Idol and keeps telling us how lovely our dog is as if she had just met him for the first time, every 5 minutes.

We've started a new tradition in recent years. Every Christmas dinner I bring the crackers. That's the blow up, filled with a prize, corny joke and stylin' party hat kind of cracker, not the needing a glass of water 'cause I just stuffed my face and boy that horseradish dip is hot kind. My mother also bought crackers apparently because two is not enough for everybody.

I opened the first cracker as everybody was vying for time to belt out their corny joke. I reached for my second. Apparently Rita didn't realize this year we all had two or more lying beside each plate. Let me just say when I let that baby blow, Rita just about hit the ceiling. It's amazing how fast a 96 year old can move when she wants to. Nothing wrong with that woman's hearing!

I enjoyed sitting beside her and seeing her pleasure at visiting my brothers brand new home again and again and again. Just as she has every other time she's visited for the past two years that he's lived there. She's happy to see him settled and doing well, but just keeps forgetting she's been there before.

For the first time ever in the history of a family dinner, we managed to make it through without taking about hemorrhoids, penis', farts or other bodily functions.

We moved to the living room and took pictures as we do on every occasion. We always have to get a picture of everyone with my Grandmother because....well, you know. She's 96 almost! She'll probably outlive us all. If she's anything like her mother, she'll be here for a long time to come. It was great to be able to spend that time with her.

I got to sit on the couch with my "5th" child who picks on all of the other real children until they're all hopping on top of us and he's "accidentally" hitting me with his elbow. Last year we were at his office party for the kids when he started playing knuckles with one of the bigger kids. He held his hand over top of me so that the child would hit me instead of him. When I had the shock of a hard smack out of the blue I looked over at him at smacked him as hard as I possibly could (Mr. P I mean!). He yelled like a baby and feigned surprise that I would abuse him like that. By this time all of his coworkers were staring at Mr. P and his shrew of a wife. That wasn't the first time either, yet I somehow found myself seated beside his yet again.

We made it home safely and managed to make it through the whole night before the next bought of stomach flu hit the next child in the family. It was a happy Christmas! Hope yours was too!

Well I'm back. I wasn't sure if I was leaving the blog, or just starting with a new positive outlook. I got tired of being cranky. Venting on the blog was just fueling my wrath. I decided maybe it was time to quit for good.

I said a prayer the other night. It seems like all around us here in my country we are seeing the worst side of everything and everyone. On a personal level we had quite a bit of money stolen from our account due to a compromised debit card as did a very large amount of other individuals over the weekend.

I stood in line at Starbucks trying to pay with said debit card. It kept getting denied. Apparently the police had notified the institution and they froze all the accounts with suspicious activities. I didn't even know our account had been compromised until all this happened. A young very kind stranger stepped forward, once I told them to cancel my rather large order, quietly paid my bill, wished me Merry Christmas and darted off. I tried to stop him, it was much too generous of him, but he wouldn't back down. This was a shock I was not expecting. My view of people has been less than positive lately. In one single second a perfect stranger made me see how wonderfully kind and unselfish people can be! I say to him THANK YOU!

My daughter hurt her finger and by the time she arrived home on the bus it was swollen to double the size of her others and immobile. I'll skip the stupid and potentially dangerous instruction that the teacher on yard duty suggested to her. I was irate to say the least. We made it from start to finish in and out of the hospital in 1 hour and 15 minutes! That's got to be some kind of record for Canada. The doctor was incredible and had her loving her visit so much she wanted to come back sometime;-0 THANK YOU to the kind Doctor!

I was standing in a very kind and generous bakery owners shop exchanging one of my art pieces for the one that will hang for the next little while. A gentleman walked in whom I recognized instantly as an established painter who has one of his works also hanging. I had never met him before. He immediately walked over to the new painting I had just hung and moaned, dipping down towards the floor slightly. We thought he was having problems walking since he is an older gentleman and appears to be unstable on his feet. Turned out though he was moaning with pleasure as he looked at the painting "Oh Rats!" He continued to moan loudly and mutter to himself in French. The owner graciously introduced me, I was incredibly shy about the whole thing. He gushed, complimented and kissed me. He also shook hands like a young African-American teenager, but maybe that's a French thing too. Adventurer would know. I told him how much his positive comments meant to me since he is an artist. I THANK BOTH THE BAKERY OWNER IMMENSELY AND HIM!

God has shown me the good and bad since I prayed. The good definitely outweighed the bad!

Time for new beginnings.

FIN

I was lying in bed this morning thinking about what I did. I sent a Christmas card to my elderly prim and proper Aunts about Frosty picking his nose. Sigh. What the hell was I thinking. Then I remembered one of my cousins pictured looking so lovely in a nurses uniform. This is the card he sends if they get sick.

One Valentines day he sent all of his elderly, prim and proper Aunts a Valentines Day card with him in the buff (well, in a flesh coloured pair of bikini underwear so he says;-) lounging around with a large potted fern in front of his dangly bits.

I come from an interesting family to say the least. A very large extended family made up of characters such as this. And I wouldn't have it any other way!

Grandma "C" e-mailed this to me and I had to post it because it's something that actually made me laugh. (I appear to be having another cranky day;-0)

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce
toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the
Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed
Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out,
Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the
toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of
rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all
the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally
dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces
all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice
had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door,
yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas
tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a
lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to
stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the littl e angel on top of the Christmas
tree....

These pictures are for Bella Rum and her Dad who want snow over at
http://red-um-brella.blogspot.com/.

6 years ago mid-December I was outside jogging in the evening in shorts and a t-shirt. Yes, in the same city. It was a struggle to get a sprinkling of snow even for Christmas in years of late. Last year and again this, there is no shortage of the stuff! Then it rains, as it's supposed to today when it goes above zero, then freeze and turn into ice pellets and then snow again. It was -28 celcius (-18.4 F) yesterday with a brutal wind!

By the way, that shot is of the street. What street? Exactly!

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas!

To all my Blogger friends, consider yourself Christmas carded.

This is the mock-up for this years card. I'm going with one this year because....well, frankly I'm lazy. I didn't hand draw, colour and put sparkles and stickers on 60 plus cards this year because....well, frankly I just don't feel like it. A month of creating original individualized art by hand was enough for a few years.

What does the theme for this card have to do with the real reason for the season? (That would be Jesus people!) Not a darn thing. It's hard to make a funny Jesus card in good taste, so you get frosty this year.

Off topic....funny story....
I was playing Scrabble with my 13 year old and 11 year old. One of One (13) read a word out loud that Two of Two had placed on the board.
"POOUND, huh, that's not a word Two!" she scolds.
"Um, One, that would be 'POND'." I correct.
"Oh" she says, now embarrassed that she can't read this simple word, "I couldn't tell with the "O" upside down with that!"

Okay. I'm not angry anymore. I'm sad. I don't know why. I expect after such a blow out it's my body just readjusting.

I sat down at my art desk and started up on the beach picture I had previously put aside. I imagine I'll be looking at this one for the next few months. So much so that I'm going to want to slap the kid every time I have to look at her. I won't though...you know, bad anger and all that.

My work is now hanging at the shop in Aylmer. The owner had her's framed herself and it looks beautiful in the frame she chose. That's not one I've posted anywhere for privacy purposes. I think that it's my favourite.

I've launched my art site. You can see the link in the sidebar. So much for anonymity.

Also, if you live nearby and need hay there's a link to a friends farm. Funny story associated with that:

The kids and Mr. P. went out to visit friends at their beefalo farm. There had been an auction up the road and there was leftover livestock that no one wanted. Four roosters. Mr. and Mrs. Beefalo took them in. The Mrs. warned the kids that one in particular was quite feisty and liked to attack ankles much to her chagrin. Avoid the roosters!

Within a short period of time there were 4 crazy roosters racing around the yard with 4 little girls in chase. Not long after that there were 4 kids cuddling and holding roosters much to their (the roosters) delight. Then the children disappeared. It was getting late and all were invited in to tea in the farmhouse. Well, the people were at least. Not the roosters. They were left behind outside with free run of the farm.

Foggy Bottom Farms has a farmhouse in the form of a long bungalow with low windows. On this particular day Foggy Bottom Farms had a long bungalow with low windows, 4 little girls snacking inside and 4 silly roosters glaring in those low windows crowing, frantically pacing and kicking up a fuss demanding the kids return and take up the chase.

Sadly the roosters couldn't take up permanent residence. They went to other farmers once they found out how much fun it was to dig up the vegetable and flower gardens.

Who knew roosters were so much fun!?

P.S. Isn't that drumstick just calling too you?

Mr. Hunter Black In Progress

If Blogger were a person, I'd say he was on drugs! For some reason Blogger was determined to post this picture sideways, but I finally figured it out and here he is. This is my first coloured pencil rendering of a canine. It actually seems like it will take a whole lot less time than pretty much all of my other paintings. Doesn't hurt that it's a whole lot smaller than most as well!

He's being created with various brands of artist quality coloured pencils (I've expanded from working exclusively with Prismacolor and am loving it!) on Stonehenge black paper.

Oh, and yes, he's as devilish as he looks!

All Done

Big Sigh! Onto the next!

Re-Posting of Beat the Bus

I came across this when I went back to the start of my blog to see how long I've been blogging. I'm re-posting it just for old times sake.

New Game Show

I'm not sure if any of you have heard, but my husband is hosting a new game show, called "Beat the Bus." Here's a partial transcript of the first episode:

Gid'day eh! I'd like to welcome my 3 lovely contestants and their hiddeous looking coach, who apparently just dragged herself out of bed after about 4 hours sleep, for this weeks to Beat the Bus. Elsie is a grade 5 student from Very Religious Catholic School. Tara is a grade 3 student from the same school and finally Karen is a grade one student also from VRC school. (applause)

And let's also give a warm welcome to my assistant Tessie (applause) Who peed in her pull up last night! Well done Tessie! Tessie's job is to attempt to foil the groups progress by adding to the work load.

As you know, on beat the bus, the object of the game is to get completely ready for school in 3 minutes before the bus comes after sitting on your behinds and fiddling around in the hour you had previously to get ready but chose not to use wisely.

Are our contestants ready? Letttt's plaaaaay BEAT THE BUS! (applause)

Coach Sandi: CRAP! The bus is here in three minutes. Let's get moving people! We have an extreme kid make over to do, let's move it, move it, move it!

Tara: Mom, did you see my sandwich?

Coach Sandi: I made it, I handed it to you, if you didn't eat it or put it in your lunch bag then retrace your steps and FIND IT NOW!

Coach Sandi: Karen, get dressed. Karen, get dressed. Karen! GET DRESSED!!!!!

Coach: Elsie, hair, teeth and shoes, NOW! And stop talking to your fish! I'm sure he'll get over the trauma of your leaving him to go to school for the day.

Tessie: Naked bum, Naked bum. Look I have a naked bum. I go to the bus too mommy?

Coach: I can't get you dressed now, I'm looking for Tara's sandwich.

OOOOH! Doesn't look good for the MacIntyre team! Only one kid is dressed and they've lost a sandwich. That will put them behind! And Tessie has thrown them a real curve ball. She's on her way out the door naked to go and wait for the bus. What will coach Sandi do? Will she chase the pre-schooler or work on the sandwich problem? OH! Okay, okay. She choose the pre-schooler! She's searching through a basket of clothes for a pair of underwear.....and YES! she's found them. Good work coach. Now she's looking for a dress.....and another quick success....but, wait! Oh no! Tessie just through them another curve ball...she doesn't like that dress! She says it's "too fit." Quick thinking Tessie. She's wiggling, she's wiggling, she's throwing a tantrum! But coach is ready with a comeback.....

Coach Sandi: Put on this dress right now or I'll, I'll....bring you back to the Tessie store and get one that fits this dress! And don't you dare wipe that boog on the wall! Get a Kleenex!

Quick thinking coach! She's putting on the dress! But is refusing to wear the shoes....okay, okay, now coach is reassessing her options. She's staring at the boog, but decides to clean it up later....she's leaving Tessie and moving back to Karen. She's yelling, she's yelling some more....Karen is smiling and has just passed gas in coaches face. Karen is laughing, still laughing Coach doesn't look happy! Oh no! look out Karen! Coach is ready to pull out the big guns I think!

Coach Sandi: No computer this weekend if you aren't dressed in 2 seconds flat! And Tara did you find your sandwich yet? Elsie, you looked like you rubbed the butter all over your head! Did you actually get any on your muffin this morning? And wash your face! You have chocolate all over it.

Coach Sandi: Son of a....labrador! Elsie and Tara, did you study your words for your spelling test again last night? What? NOOO! Who's agenda haven't I signed. All of them!!!!? What do you mean you have a book club order due today Tara?

Coach Sandi looks like she's loosing control! She's off to look for the sandwich....she checks the basement, again, the bathroom, not there, the other kid's rooms, nope. Not there either. She looks at the dog...she smells his breath...no, no balogna smell there. She looks....disgusted. She re-checks Tara's room. BINGO! She finds her sandwich tucked under her pillow! She raises the sandwich in the air in show of victory with a stellar smile! (applause)

Coach Sandi: Ok Karen, teeth shoes and school bag, now! I'm going out to the bus with greasy and her sandwich losing sidekick with the bad bed head. Get ready NOW! You better be out there before the bus, or else!

Elsie: But mom, you're only wearing your jeans and bra!

Keen observation Elsie! Coach is running to the bed room. She's yelling at the kids not to leave the house before she's ready, because they may get abducted or hit by a car if they're out there alone. She throws on a shirt. She grabs a brush and runs out to the bus. Now Karen is done, Coach is brushing Karen's hair. Karen is yelling, louder, louder....a neighbour opens the door to see what's going on. Coach is throwing spelling words at Elsie and Tara while she brushes faster and faster. Another stay at home mom runs by with her crew on herway to the stop for the public school bus.

Other Coach: I see your right on time and organized today too! (hysterical laughing)

Now coach Sandi is snearing, but turns to flash a smile. She's smelling Karen's breath. She's yelling, yelling....Karen runs in to brush her teeth...but, here comes the bus! Will they make it? Yes! Karen's back. Hugs and kisses all round. Coach recovers nicely with a smile and good morning to the driver while straightening her hair.

SCORE: Let's see how our contestants did. They get full points for making it to the bus on time, fully dressed with all of their equipment, and bonus points for studying spelling before boarding the bus.

We have to unfortunately subtract points though because coach has thrown on her low cut in the back shirt, inside out and backwards, thus exposing her bra for all to see. (Not to mention a wee bit too much flesh!) She's also bare footed and has forgotten to put on her make-up. A definate no-no leading to substantial deductions in her score!

Even though they don't win the main prize of appearing organized and a model for the neighbourhood, coach does win the runner up prize of sitting down for 5 minutes to finish her coffee with our lovely assistant, Tessie, using her as a jungle gym before running the errands and preparing for her volunteer work later in the day.

Congratulations coach! On winning a 5 minute break.

Disclaimer: The above mentioned prose is meant to provide a humorous look to at the lives of the MacIntyre family. It is by no means a completely accurate account of their daily routine. The coach is happy to be at home and loves the children very much even though she has written this. The coach realizes she is lucky and does not require a lecture pertaining to the above mentioned story. Any resemblance to persons living or dead are purely intentional. Names have been changed to protect the identities of the participants. Any comments can be sent to biteme@hotmail.com. This e-mail address is not an actual e-mail address, it's only there for your amusement....so don't really e-mail me there....unless you want to, knowing that I won't get it.