Friday, 28 April 2006

The Mystery of the Wandering Water Can

It was a dark and stormy night. The kind of night that smart people stayed tucked comfortably in their homes. Not the kind of night that two respectable dames should be out wandering around the streets like cheap hookers waiting to make their next buck.....ok, wait. It wasn't really dark and stormy. Dark yes, stormy no. It was a cool evening, with the feel of winter still lingering in the air. It just doesn't have the same punch as dark and stormy. Anyhow, on with the story....

What looked like aimless wanderings by these dames, actually had a purpose. These dames were on a mission. They were there to enhance a rooster and two horses. Little did they realize that they would become a couple of dicks solving an unnerving mystery before the evening was through.

They quickly found their target just around the corner from their local hangout, where a girl could get a coffee cheap. Real cheap if she's wearing the right head gear. Tonight though, there were no bunny ears for the mission. They would have to pay real dough for their caffeine fix. The Barista had just kicked them out into the street, a routine which happend at closing time with a regularity that most constipated elderly people could admire.....hmmm, I'll need to work on imagery on that descriptive sentence....

They head around the corner with their target in full view. Unfortunately the come across something unexpected. Another dame has had the same idea tonight. She too is out wandering the streets like some cheap hooker....you get the point. and she's bending over the targeted ornaments moving mysteriously through the garden with something in her hand.

Is the spray painting the offending art work? Is she enhancing herself, or just using her peepers to get ideas for her own hideous decor. No....she's watering the plants surrounding the ornaments.

The two dames pass the property. No use in tipping her off to their intentions. They turn part way down the street to do another pass, like a cheap hooker....I may have used that one enough, so I'll think of something else to put here. like a copper on the beat watching a suspicious character, waiting for him to make his move.

One of the dames notices something off about this scene. There is a trail of blood leading up the street.....actually it's water. But I got your attention, didn't I! HeeHee.There's a trail of water running up the street away from the lawn where the watering dame stood.

"Why would she go for water somewhere else? Why not use the water from the house?" The taller smarter more astute dame asks.
"She came from somewhere else?" the strawberry blonde dame responds. The taller dame is used to hanging out with a blonde and explains what she saw.

They follow the trail up the street to busy downtown like intersection. It crosses over the road to the other sidewalk. The determined pair follow it's track like hounds on a fox, dodging traffic all the way.

The trail is leading down the legnth of the block. The pair are confused by the craziness of the watering dame. Why would someone carry a heavy watering can this far.

They are greatful for the spilled water that dots the sidewalk, like dog urine on a tree, and thankful that it's too cool to evapourate away at any great speed. The water, not the dog urine. Was that clear when you read this sentence? They continue on.
The darkened trail turned a corner and disappears up the walkway of a restaurant. Won Ton's Chinese restaurant to be exact. It comes to an end at the front door. It was the kind of front door that was made of glass and invited voyeurs to enjoy their fill of free entertainment.

The strawberry blonde looks up and sees a chinese man working late at his counter. Being partially blonde, she states the obvious....
"He's chinese! The watering can lady was chinese! I wonder if she works here?"
The taller dame patiently says, "she may, but why would she carry the water all that way?"

Ooooh, ooooh! I know!! Says Ms. Strawberry in a moment of pure genius. The kind of genious that hits with the regularity of a lightening strike to flesh, maybe once in a life time, if your lucky.

"The can was probably full of chinese tea! Leftovers! Tea's good for the plant, and chinese people are good with plants!"
Says Ms. Strawberry, beaming from this revelation.

There would be no decorating tonight. They'd have to go back when the dame wasn't out primping her garden, like a cheap hooker primping up herself before her next customer. But then, that's ok. There'd be other nights, other missions, and these dames were patient. They would decorate another night.
Insert thunder sound here and start mystery music in your head.

The Very End!

4 comments:

Kurt said...

Oncet, I was mistreated in a certain store, so I wrote a song for them and left it on their answering machine late at night. Then I wrote another one and left it the following night. The songs were not pro-certain store. Then I wrote a third one, and when I called to leave it that night, someone answered angrily. I believe they stayed late just to catch me. So I did what any hero would: pretended I didn't speak English.

Sariah said...

This was such a great read! I haven't visited in a while (sorry!), but this just made my day. Hope you can decorate soon.

BTW, not to sound like comment spam or anything, but I found a quote that I put on my own blog and I thought of you the whole time. I'm not gonna type it here, though. You have to visit me to see it. Hee hee hee! ;)

fourth_fret said...

man, you two should start a detective agency immediately. i bet there are tons of tea mysteries that are just simmerin' to be solved. ;)

GoofyJ said...

lol! This was hilarious, I can't wait for the next adventure. I tried to post a while ago but blogger doesn't like me. :)